I Prayed.

So Im not really the praying type if anything I am spiritual but not in an organized religion kind of way.  I believe and sometimes in the depths of confusion or when things seems to be so messy that even I can't make sense of it, I pray.  Possibly skimming ground zero, failing to my knees overwhelmed by emotions and wanting to disconnect from my brain.  In disbelief and some despair, I prayed.  I looked up to the sky and said "I don't have the answer and I don't know how I'm going to do this but please help me."  It was quiet and as if planned the wind picked up and kissed me.  I felt not alone even though I felt entirely empty and numb.  Do you sometimes feel that those are the moments you swear someone is watching over you?

Before I boarded the 8 hour flight back to the states from London, I prayed.  This was not only going to be the longest flight of my life but my tears wouldn't stop.  It was like my thoughts were like a building in Times Square with a constant stream of thoughts which triggered my tears.  I wandered around Heathrow trying to distract myself but couldn't.  I had Customs ask if I had been drinking or high because I looked like a shell of who I thought I was.  My eyes were so red I went to the bathroom and hardly saw myself in the mirror.  I was a mess and thats when I prayed.  I said "I don't know how to do this but I need help, and I know its been awhile but do you hear me?"  Its like something screamed inside me just to make sure something/someone could hear me even though I didn't say it out loud.

I boarded the flight as if I was walking off a plank into an ocean.  My feet were like cement and every fiber of myself wanted to run and never stop running till I made it to Scotland.  It was a 777 jet and I was sandwiched in between 3 people to each side of me.  I tied my scarf around my face and slept until I woke up crying, only 20 minutes had passed.  I went into the laboratory and cried.  There would be knocks on the door and then I would know that my time was up, I had to go back to my seat.  But I didn't.  I sat in the back of the plane and found myself crying in the back room where flight attendants prepared the drinks and food.  Then my question was answered, my prayer had been heard.  My angels appeared.

"Can I just stand here? I can't stop crying"
"Sure, Are you ok?" said one on my crew of angels.
"Um thats a loaded question"
"Sit here as long as you need."

I thought that was going to be it.  I would stand the entire flight, I was ok with that just as long as I didn't have to go back to my seat.  Then the leader of the pack came and found me.  He truly saved me, I don't know how to explain it but the moment I met him I knew I was going to be ok.

"I hear your having a hard time"
"Yah"I said.

Come with me, he said.  Follow me, he said.  I can help you.  I left my seat in economy and found myself in first class privately by myself.  He gave me a bottle of wine (at ten in the morning) and he made me eat.  He baked me cookies and gave me a bed, a blanket and a box of tissues.  I slept for the first time in 30 some hours.  My mind rested finally.  I knew I was going to be fine I had my crew of angels, all checked in with me ever so often never leaving me fully alone.  I wasn't alone at all in fact I was very much taken care of.  Jeremy the manager of the AA flight also took my ticket and when I woke up told me that my 2 hour layover from Chicago to Minnesota was upgraded to the next available flight.  I had 30 minutes to bypass security and board my home bound flight to my family.

I will never find words to express the kindness shown to me from complete strangers.  I could never thank them enough for taking me under their wings.  I asked for help and help I received.  I challenge you to ask for help even if your not sure whom your asking.  I ask you to quiet yourself enough to hear an answer.  If in your despair you don't know the road to follow, ask and possibly your angles will appear.  Just pray.