The constant need for the presence of another person at all times is a screaming desire to not be alone. It masks itself, act's as a quilt always hiding your layers of discontent within yourself. It feeds on having someone, anyone by your side and it will make you settle and left with a lingering discontent that will surface overtime. Your always searching for more and you will never know that you in fact had it all. You have yourself.
I sat on the waters edge, alone. I walked barefoot on the beach sand between my toes and felt my presence which was all I needed. It wouldn't be fair to be with someone right now and to me even though my bed (sorry couch) seems cold I am quickly reminded that I'm my own best friend. Its not a impulsive neediness inflicted on someone else, its a calm place that takes time to get to. I still feel it sometimes but not enough to run to someone else. These things must be felt or they will become masked only creating an even colder heart. You create walls and will eventually turn on your new replacement. Overtime this is the cycle. I watch it, I see it and I don't admire those that are on the constant search because little do they know it actually starts with them. You can't have 2 without 1, you can't love 2 without loving 1..you see how people skip the first step.
So your alone perhaps after a divorce or a messy breakup, you feel every string of your heart play. You have been so used to someone that you find yourself still setting 2 places at the table..thats the feeling that makes you move to someone else. It sometimes is unbearable, nasty hole in your gut. The air doesn't smell the same, food has no taste and the colors of your world are black and white. Your bored with yourself, sick of the feeling of your perceived aloneness. You search for a replacement, anything will do and that you will find.
The overall definition of need is delusional in this matter. We need water to live, we need food to survive and sun to cultivate life. We don't need love we only want love and if we don't get it, it turns into a neediness for love.
NEED-I-NESS: Privation, a state of extreme poverty.
Is that anyway to blossom love or relationship? In order to grow the real kind of love not the fake stuff, all conditions have to be right. The seed has to be whole, the water from a pure source. There are many generic wannabes with love. Don't be fooled, in fact you won't be as humans we can sense the unconditional love when we see it. Its when my dad wakes up 30 minutes before my mom and makes her coffee and starts her car. Its seeing my grandfather bring flowers to my grandmothers grave. Its in the way my brother rubs her pregnant belly. Its when I see an old couple split a coffee and sit in silence.
It's simple not complicated. The complicated stuff is the step brother of love, a fake. The drama is fake, the hate turned against one another is fake. Fighting is fake. Leaving someone for greener grass, is fake.
But then again there are many bad seeds out there, be choosy whom you grow love with. For now I choose the high road and say a table for one please.
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