A Lesson

I think it's pretty beautiful,  I find myself walking familiar streets of a place I know now by memory.  New York is so easy to get lost in but so incredibly easy to find exactly where you need to be.  I am in Manhattan, and my soul is finally smiling again.  Before I would wear a smile but my heart wasn't happy. Now I feel both come full circle.  Creating a creative place was my first mission.  I needed my space to be beautiful so that my ideas would grow and mature.  I needed a work center that would promote the brainstorm.  I needed a place that would be safe, where I could shut the madness off.  I needed walls to paint with image boards, I needed my space to be dedicated.  A constant reminder of my desire, my passion.

You must remember that on July.5th I had moved back to Minnesota with only 2 suitcases, no job and no money.  I was brokenhearted and beat up.  I recovered for the next 3 weeks with the help of loved ones.  I found a beautiful center within myself again and started creating.  I fought to keep my head above water to not be swallowed by the sheer pain of it all.  My breaking moment happened one month after I left London and found out that he was already with someone else.  That's when I saw the situation very clear, a little too clear.  I finally understood that it wasn't me.  Woman have a rare ability to beat themselves up, rerun the details and I'm not sure why we do that.  I learned in that moment that there is no point in doing so, there is no point because it doesn't change anything.  If you are rerunning a situation let me tell you one thing, IT WILL STOP YOU FROM CREATING/REINVENTING YOURSELF.  You are stuck in the past which means your not living in the moment (which is all you have).  Let it go, don't carry it with you there is no space for it.  From my experience there was no greater lesson.  When I look at the storm I am entirely grateful for the rain.  For when theres a storm eventually there will be a clearing for the sun.  You must always go through it and respect the process.  We all got something but only you control how it effects you and how you will treat others in return.  

Months later I am singing on a stage in Manhattan and as I watch the storm clear all I see is the sun. I made it without becomeing a stone heart.  Whatever it may be or whomever has done a shitty thing please let it go.  Start now with a new outlook, don't let it take up anymore space protect this side of yourself.