Sometimes I can't help to not think of what a whirlwind this year has been. Sometimes when I tell my story I get blank stares of disbelief followed by a lot of questions. I protected my story for the first 2 months I was back and now since I have made such great connections have let others into the whirlwind.
When you recollect the details when your out of it you really start to see all the dysfunction within it. Most times I get pissed, then a tad disappointed and then I look at those around me and think my god am I lucky. I can honestly say that I couldn't of left if I didn't know that there was somewhat of a structure underneath me. When I remember leaving that day and the following 3 weeks I see a Danielle I never knew existed. Broken, strong, calm, mature, even, ok, disappointed but mostly confused. How could this happen? Why did it go that far? What a blessing that it didn't drag on. I didn't have a plan but pulled myself off of the bathroom floor and told myself that no-one had enough power to take away my strength. No-one could break me, no-one could treat me so horribly while doing it so blindly. I saw a family pull together and use all the resources they had to help me heal. They couldn't possibly understand my pain but all of them took a little piece of it from me. They lightened me, without them I probably wouldn't of bounced back the way that I did. I step away from it now and say that although you may not feel strong, your stronger then you think. It's never as bad as it feels sometimes, but you got to feel it that's the hard part.
I sometimes have people say to me, why does bad things happen to good people? I don't have the answer for that, all I know is that you determine how badly a person can break you down. You hold your power until you give it away. You are your protector until you let someone else "try" to protect you. You will never fully understand why people do the things they do but you yourself can determine how you treat others and go about life.
Today I am still a believer in true love and relationship. I can say that my instinct to trust is sharper then it has ever been. I can say that I have forgiven even the most hurtful actions. I hold no regrets or grudges and can say that there is no-one I would rather be then exactly who I am because that never really changed it just got stronger.
To my family, to my friends and to my music, thank you.
