When I held her I knew nothing was actually that serious or sad. Its such a speck of reality we think we live in. When you hold a baby girl, when you touch the softness of her bald head you see that in that moment their life is the most simple it will ever be. As an adult your needs and wants grow as a child all you need is the basics.
My heart is already in love with her, with all of them. Being an auntie holds such a pride fullness, such an extreme honest love that I never knew I had until children came into my life. When I sometimes think of the last couple of hellish months, I surround myself with children and it all goes away. It just doesn't matter anymore.
Children have this unique ability to bring you right back into the present moment. A moment adults seem to want to escape. When you grow up and the needs and wants grow its like a constant list taking you ever so far away from where you are. The future, the past never the now. Someone very dear to me once told me "if you are always focusing on the future and dwelling in your past, when are you actually here?' Are you actually enjoying it fully?
When you watch a child hammer nails into a tree for 30 minutes I see determination and a undeveloped sense of time. They don't live following a clock, they don't understand 5 minutes or 10 miles. They see the nail and they see the tree and then they have their imagination. An imagination stronger then the nails themselves, I watched him hammer nails and I never wanted that side of this little boy to grow. I always want him to play, to never fully understand time and to always use his imagination. They are so simple.
When I hold Hartlee and already see a change in her face after one week, I know that I have entered a period in my life when I have gotten too consumed with time that I can no longer catchup with it. Don't you feel like that sometimes? Don't you feel like certain events take you further away, only if you let them. When I see my babies grow I am reminded that although 26 is right around the corner I still feel like a child when I'm in the presence of one. I want to hammer nails into trees and not wonder how long it took me to do so. I want to play in the fall leaves, I want to get my clothes dirty and have mud on my face. Now how can you tell me that that isn't life?
