I am in love. This new direction has been rough, lots of ups and downs but then I find myself landed. Taken, I surrendered and found myself back in a place I never wanted to leave. Opening up boxes of a chapter that has been closed, finding my grandmothers old baking recipes and my old cookbooks makes me feel like I survived. The storm has passed, it was the final step.
Opening up the door to the mini storage was like opening up a vault to my former life. I found a box. Tore the tape off and found myself in the cardboard. I cried. I cried a lot which is unusual. Not having my things for 6 months made me turn inward, rebuild myself. Taking my things completed my puzzle.
I separated 2 very different lives yesterday. One connected to beautiful cookbooks, amazing family photos and a knife set. One deeply in love with the children in her life, one that keeps all her old music books and one that needs nothing more then her collected coffee mugs. I found everything I wanted in a mist of a strangers things.
It was a beautifully symbolic day and I did it with a dear friend. My gratitude for his help can not be expressed. He put his hand on my back and said take as much time as you need. The warmth of his character, his willingness to help me is completely overwhelming. Little did he know he was doing something much bigger then helping a friend move, he was helping me get my life back. I couldn't have been in better hands. I may not have been able to do this all by myself.
The memories that were so deeply locked away came back, and I cried for now it finally feels over. Which isn't to say that it is bad but it's to say that I survived it. Admitting strength is hard for all of us to do. I didn't yell, I didn't cheat, I didn't hate my way through this. I didn't become untrusting, regretful, guarded, or scared. I didn't try to get back at someone or get into a relationship out of hurt. I didn't bash anyone, I just didn't. I kept walking hard as that was sometimes that's how I know it was love on my part. Because love is kind, love isn't malicious or mean. Love cannot be that way if its true. That's why I can say that I loved and although I lost..I will love again and win.
This is part 2 of my jouney. The hopeful section. The storm has passed, and thats beautiful thing.
