So I often get asked where the vision for this project came from. It didn't just come out of the blue for me, it was the recovery process from being with someone entirely crazy and egotistical. Lets just say I didn't know him very well, we moved very fast and now I can see why.
Lets backtrack shall we. We met in Minnesota and within 5 months found out that his job was transferring him to NYC, we said yes. Then 2 months into NYC, he gets an offer in London and we move within 5 months of hardly being in NYC. He moves out May.15 and I move back to Minnesota for the next month awaiting my departure. On June.25th I fly to London and he is a completely different person. 2 days into London I find a woman's shirt, white, size medium in a European brand ummm and one minor detail its NOT MINE. He denies it. Couple days later I go through his phone (which I would never do but had probable cause) find naked pictures of a woman oh one major problem they WEREN'T OF ME. And text messages saying that he's met another girl (also not me). He again denies it. On July.5th and within 4 hours of finding out everything I'm on a flight back to Minnesota (first class baby) within a week I find out that he's joined a dating service in London while trying to work things out with me. We shared a bank account, that's how I found out. I tell him to not speak to me for 6 months, he begs me to give him a month and I stupidly give in. A MONTH into not talking I find out that he already has a girlfriend in London via newspaper articles that he sent me due to the London riots. Talk about an ouch moment, that was so much fun for me. This is when I began to understand who he really was for the very first time.
True colors will always be shown, luckily I only wasted a year. And now its the other woman's problem, if only I could sit down and have a conversation with her, I would save her a lot of confusion regardless of how "honest" their relationship seems. This wasn't normal on any level, till this day it's wildly upsetting to those around me and some days I can't even think about it or it will make me sick. He wasn't right, still isn't right and his history with woman is something no one would desire, although he will always claim to be the victim. He was a great actor though, the best I will give him that but you can't hide your inner struggle forever. If anyone says they love you after 2 months, take it from me its a red flag.
So when I talk about this project and moving home and all the recovery perhaps sometimes my stories could seem a little broken at times. You didn't get all of the details because at first I was protective with it but now I say fu&* it. Its fueled such a beautiful creative process for me. Its not to get sympathy and its not to say that I want to be singer just because. The music is fueled by such an intense experience some of which we all share in. It was crazy and it was someone world that shit on me and that's ok. Through this process I found what truly matters to me. All the lies and bullshit were only meant to bring to me to this place. I don't just sing songs to sing them, I sing them because they are real for me. Its from a deep place that I never got to express. That expression has lead to me writing profound words and even captured the vision I protect today. I did nothing wrong and although I am still civil I still found a woman's shirt that wasn't mine. And that's where Dani & The Mad Men™ comes from, not a shallow place but a place that it real and realness in this world is hard to find.
