It kinda starts out like this. Moments before the subway arrives your metro-card just decides to stop working, the subway leaves and now your card works and the next train is 20 minutes away. Lovely! So you decide to go grab a coffee while you wait and the cashier says 10.00 dollar card minimum and you have no cash. Perfect! Then it starts raining and you failed to grab your umbrella because it was 50 and sunny moments ago. Come on! Then it feels like everyone and their mother doesn't notice you enough to not bump into you. Fu&^*!
Disclaimer: I would like to think that I exercise patience in almost every area of my life but then I have days like this and want to curl up in a ball and never leave my front door. It is easy and then you get into the grind that pisses you off. I can laugh as I write about it now and perhaps in everyones life we encounter these precises moments to make us want what we want more.
I'm not giving up on anything but in the mist of these kind of days I hit a point where I stand still in the mist of the bustle and breath. I stop square in the middle of everyone (which is probably adding to their frustration and is highly annoying) I stand still. Even if it's in the middle of an intersection (which is very unsafe) but whenever I feel myself wanting to punch my fellow neighbor square in the face I know it's time to stop. It's time because it's such a mind set game. When things are starting to crumble, it starts to downward spiral and then that's all your focusing on is the mess. Then you see a complete stranger sleeping in garbage bags over a gutter and things don't seem so bad after all. That's when I place my 5.00 latte and 6.00 scone next to that guy. And head back down the nasty stairs to my now delayed subway cart. Then I smile and start singing. Singing in my head that is. The subway arrives and a nice stranger gives up their seat for me during my 45 minute commute. Not so bad after all.
So I can see now that it would be easy for this city to break someone. I know both sides and overall NYC has been kind, for that I am thankful. We all have moments, but these moments are reminders for us to slow down and practice kindness and patience. There's no need to rush I believe that is what breeds greed and lack of consideration for others. I need people on my side more then anything right now but I'm not going to pretend that NYC doesn't piss me off at times. The bustle, the being away from family is the hardest balance for me to find. Its all part of following a dream, its all part of wanting something. Its part of the journey that I wouldn't give up for anything. On these days just smile.
My feet are where they belong..
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