Meditation

New Yorkers always talk about the pace here and how intoxicating it becomes.  Once you leave you want more and once in it you sometimes feel exhausted.  9 million people with different paths, that's something you can feel.  One of the greatest gifts I ever received throughout this journey was the gift of meditation.

I brought myself to the shores of my parents house and stood on their dock, something I have been doing ever since I was little.  This was right after I moved back from London and felt the most intense heartache and confusion enough for a small army to carry.  My name was non-existent, my mind was as thick as clouds on a rainy day.  A mess pretty much sums up this chapter of recovery although I would never admit it.  I felt nothing, the strongest numbness took over my body and I felt like I was a shell of who I used to be.  No one felt my pain, no one could help me.  My feet walked to my neighbors door and I knocked, wasn't sure what I was going to say but something told me I just had to be there.  Little did I know I was opening up more then just a door that day, I was about to feed an inner spirituality and receive a gift money could never buy.  My neighbor all this time was a mediation/yoga teacher.  Never did this cross my mind.  I began to sit with him dawn and dusk on most mornings and nights.  Clarity and quietness were the gifts I received.  Where a mind was running on auto-pilot, meditation created an ocean of peace.  It sorted itself out and suddenly became less about me and more about the experience.  If you never go through things how could you possibly be presented with new experiences to grow and learn from.  During those times I felt such a genuine peace and gratefulness that filled the pit that existed after my hardship.

We are all guilty of seeing and focusing on the negative and through this process it made so much sense why it happened.  The "it" wasn't me though and the experience isn't you, things just happen.  After all the mess I decided to move back to New York by myself this time and shelved meditation.  6 months into living in NYC I was reminded of how unforced that true feeling of gratitude was during that time.  Meditation knocked on me yet again.  Sometimes we like to drain the tank without giving anything back to it or any gratitude for where it comes from.  We get sucked into routine and rush, meditation found me again and I became it again.

Every morning I sit in silence and peace if even for a moment of awareness.  Its very easy to move so fast that we don't have time to give gratitude for all that we have been through or all that we have.  In a moment it could all go away and I would rather know that I appreciated it when I had it then took it for granted before it was gone.

Create a moment of peace everyday for yourself, and focus on how grateful you truly are for what is around you.  I start with my family and don't be surprised if it makes you cry that just means that it is probably overdue the thanks you owe for the many gifts you have in your life.