Trying to Catch a FireFly

The weather turns here as it once did in Minnesota.  The seasons switch and suddenly you find yourself in the dead of summer.  I was walking and right in front of me I saw a spark.  The light glowed and then went dark.  A flash, a moment and then it was gone.  It was just gray enough before the sun fully surrendered to the night.  I followed it to my left and my eyes lite up.  There was a small children's park full of fireflies.  I suddenly got a flashback of when I was a child chasing them with jars in hope to capture if only one.  I remember myself as a child wondering how and why they glowed but how exciting it was when they would never missing a beat.

My hands grabbed the fence and I pushed my nose so far into the metal I felt the cold.  There they were having a glowing dance.  Some lighting up more then others, some just cruising along.  Some buzzing by my face and others keeping their distance.  In New York I finally saw how much I truly love Minnesota. Here you have to find your beauty when you come from a beautiful place its all around you.  I was watching fireflies as if I was 7 again.  I wanted to buy a jar take my high heels off and get dirty trying to catch fireflies.  Its sometimes the small tiny moments like these that we miss when we get older perhaps more wiser.  

Days before I was hauling home groceries, ya you carry everything home here no car to help you.  Small rain drops began to fall and I ran under a fire escape and then sky erupted into a vociferous roar.  Down pour.  I got soaked.  The streets went clear which in Manhattan is rare.   The storm let up and I ran home put my flip flops on and went puddle hopping.  Its moments like these that melt away a distance loneliness, or perhaps a endless fight for a dream.  It all begins to make more sense before we have to go and grow up and complicate matters.  It begins to not look so serious, so harsh.  You begin to laugh in the face of whatever it is that scares you. Your like a kid again.  Now I'm not saying this is for everyone, some people hate this stuff.  But I think if you think about what you were like as a child your current hangups wont seem all that bad.  

Go catch a Firefly.   

No-one Ever Tells You This Will Happen

Oh shit no one ever told me that this would happen.  That on some days its hard to even listen to a note or sing a tune.  When life happens and splashes you with real and heavy waves.  When someone comes back into your life that once haunted you.  When people leave you and your away from anything truly familiar no one ever tells you about this.  No one tells you that this happens.  That sometimes your love kind of goes away for a little bit which makes you feel so distant from well..you.  

It happened and I know why it did and something said to hold on and breath, its just too much right now.  I can't be creative (when this probably would have helped).  The creative spirit comes in waves, happiness sometimes does as well.  It is a rollarcoaster and we are the passengers and its not the ride that matters its how you deal when it stops.  How you keep it going is far more important.  When it stopped, I felt so sad but more importantly I reexamined a few things.  Life will bump you like that, it doesn't care but it is there for a reason.  You can choose to stop or try something different, I choose to try something different because I never want to wonder if there was a road I didn't travel down .  I never want to look into my nieces and nephews eyes and say " I gave up and when life is hard you should too."

No one ever talks about the times when we fall.  But I can say that it takes time and certain people come out of the woodwork to remind you that theres something inside of you.  Its not music that I choose to fight for, I don't fight for anything but I stand for every creative person that just wants to express something.  No its not music, its this little sparkle inside of me and all of us that I never want to see die.  Its the bravery and courage that I stand for when there isn't a path that others can see but is an inner map a guild within myself.

Noone ever tells you when picking up a pen and writing feels like moving a mountain.  When you grow up, this becomes all too familiar.  I think these are beautiful moments to change a game plan, reevaluate your situation and hold close the ones that protect your inner spirit.  I am coming out of my fall, and it was hard but I hope it encourages you to never give up and to get back on the rollarcoaster and continue on with the ride...until it comes to a stop once again.