Family; The Reason to Take a Risk.

I was here in the same place that I live now only a few shy months ago.  I didn't walk these streets alone, in fact this time last year I was here for an entirely different purpose.  I was living someone elses life, its fucking crazy to think of how naive I was.  Isn't that life though?  The real purpose was only to bring me to the streets of Manhattan.  It was to take my safe soles and place them in an unfamiliar place.  To scare the shit out of me, but it didn't.  It excited me, I got the opportunity to be scared.  When scared, walk into it don't run from it.  Be brave and you will see what happens.  This world is not worth staying in a bubble for.

I fight with this sometimes because it is a weird challenge to want something familiar while in such a mess of a place.  Now all I crave is something unfamiliar.  I want to see the untouched territory I have yet to experience.  I want to walk on the edge of something that makes me flirt with the idea of not having it.  I want to say that I have done it and that I would do it again even if it doesn't work out.  Some people stay so safe out of fear and see so little because that fear keeps them in such a place.  Perhaps I seem crazy because of all my jumping but sometimes not caring where you will land will take you to such a place.

There is a safety net, there always is.  For me the safety net is my family having them makes me never feel  entirely alone or out of control.  I know that if everything crumbs (like it already did once) they will help.  They wont give me more then I need but as my sister said "I will bath you if you feel like you cant" now that's love.  The real kind of love, the love that says I will stop my life for you until you are well because I am not well if you are not.  That's entirly powerful, that's the stuff this life is made of.  I would stay so safe if I didn't have a solid foundation perhaps that's why you feel the need to not extend outside of your own comfort zone.  This is the time to mend those relationships, make them strong.  Build on them, watch them fall back and then grow them once again.  That's what family does, its the only kind of relationship that can withstand even the most trying of times.  We are in trying times now, step away and look with a non-judgemental eye at the reality of your family dynamics.

The grand compromise for me is being here and having them be there
It is a compromise I think about everyday
A swelling in my heart that never goes away..
That's why I keep them in frames in my room
to remind myself everyday how lucky I am
to have
every
single
one
of
them..

Ready Set Jump..

-Dani