A Trip to the Amazon.

There are many things I don't know.  Things I may not understand but certain truths I know within the core of my being to be true.  Like when theres something in the air, a hypersensitive instinct that foreshadows a change in the tide.  The lessons of life will continue to hit you until you learn and graduate to the next stage, the problem?  It usually comes all at once.  Job, family, money..crash.  Out of balance, everything.  I sense that living in New York has a lot to do with it, its tricky to explain but I feel the lessons come to you here harder, more abrupt and at a faster rate.  It has an intense power.  Like a bully in the playground, she points out the zit on your nose.  Teases you about your freckles and calls you four-eyes.  The energy you sense, you feel and you take on.

There is stunning beauty in this mess.  In this downfall.  You repair what needs the most mending, what shattered into a million pieces right before your eyes.  New York kicks up the dust in your life.  Its more then just a bad day, the shadow it casts makes me feel as if I may never see the sun again.  When you take risks, when you leave what you know behind in search of truth within yourself you often feel like your ground is as thick as cotton candy.  You don't know of bravery or courage, when your New York lesson is about to hit.  People around you will leave, just wont understand and thats the hardest truth yet.  So your constantly justifying what you adventured to do while they judge themselves for things they didn't.  Then you remember what it took to get where you currently are.  This many will never understand.  In order to be an artist, you sign up for the highs and the lows.  And a true one NEVER happen overnight.

The lows are very deep and muddy.  I always see myself at a slow crawl.  Feels like I'm in the Amazon or something.  Mud thick to my thighs, salt dripping into the cuts from thick brush.  Each limb covered in the thickest of muck.  For miles there is no path, no clearing.  It has consumed me.  All I see is the slightest hint of pink and orange so far off in the distance I feel my mind is playing tricks on me.  The more I lift each limb, the closer I become even though its still so faint.  I have been here so many damn times, that the trees are marked by a red X.  Then I know I will find myself out of all of this.  Im used to this feeling and most things get much worst before they get better.  You get very used to being alone within your journey when you are brave enough to shed yourself of everything familiar.   There are many things I don't know, but this I know for sure.