My Parents Dock.

I remember sitting on my parents dock, right at the very end of it.  The melting colors of a days work slowly getting swallowed by the night.  I had at this point of my life, nothing.  Even though I felt like I wasn't empty where it mattered.  It was on my last few days of living in Minnesota right before I moved by myself to Manhattan for a second time.  I looked to the sky and said these fateful words "I surrender to any experience you are willing to show me, I give in to your direction and I trust what you have in store for me."  We all have moments in our life that become game changers, this was one of mine.  I can close my eyes and remember it as if it happened yesterday.  I wasn't talking to god, but something changed that day that forever released me from conformity or routine.  My life had just begun, I started living. This is not always going to be easy nor will it be instant.

Forward 2 years later from my time on my parents dock.  Such beautiful moments of constant life lessons, most not all that pretty and some sparkle forever in my memory.  Isn't that worth living?  Life is a combination of all sorts. Its phase by phase.  Its riding with all the chaos and not fighting it. Embracing fear and then letting it go.  Laughing when your heart aches because you realize how much you truly love your family and hate being away from them.  If you choose to go down a path that comes without a drivers manual, you most certainly will fail more times then you win.  But then you will win little lessons along the way, the failing isn't all that bad.  You get good at that too.  I couldn't go back now even if I tried.  When you trust in something and declare it, you see all the many ways in which it helped and protected you.

I am not saying this is for everyone.  Im not saying its glamorous in any way but when you get to express art that is genuin it feeds something bigger then yourself.  When you get to have these very rare moments, you know that life is one big rubix's cube.  We aren't cookie cutter, we are not one size fits all.  Some venture, some stay and each are beautiful and tragic at times.

Im still excited as I was on my parents dock.  I like creating something from nothing and I hope if you are sitting at a crossroads that you will trust in your direction.  Like a captain on a ship.  You got this. We need more people willing to follow their own path, not one that was decided by someone else.  

I close my eyes and remember what it looks like and feels like to be on the edge of my parents dock.