Thank you.

I never said it was easy.  The adjustment to moving wears on routine and finding your place again, whatever that means.  It means different things for different people.  Finding your home, anything that feels like home.  Feeling like you have a place that's yours.  Feeling out of place in new adventures.  Not being bogged down with lack of consistancy.  It's hard sometimes, most times.  Moving is stressful and exciting.  I feel like I'm a pro always taking on new adventures that sound exciting but still come with downsides. I'm not a professional though, I feel stress.  I am way too familiar with lonilness and feeling like a fish out of water.  It's not glamorous, most days I miss my family.  I miss my idea of what home is and find it and seek it in new places.  I still know where home is and no other place compares to it.  But I can't go back now and that sucks sometimes.

I did give up a life of routine and what some would call consistancy.  I was a teacher then a Morgage broker and always felt unsettled.  I did have an awakening that forever changed my life.  Don't get me wrong I am grateful.  I am grateful for every road this life has offered to me.  As the days continue to pass and my life continues to offer new adventures I still am shocked that I was offered this ride.  That I recieved both challenging and rewarding changes that I embraced with a price of course.  That through my eyes I view life much differently.  Every so offen I say thank you to a journey that isn't complete yet.  I wonder if others do this or if it's just me.  If in a routine life, do they know what they have? Is it the life you have always wanted or did it take you for a ride? A ride I will never forget.

For the faces and places I have seen I am grateful.  For those who have put up with my journey both good and bad, I say thank you.  For always offering me challenges and risks.  For the good and the bad. For moments when I stop.  For moments I feel lost.  For moments when I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am thankful.  For the love of my family always teaching me that whereever this life takes me I always have a home. For the signs I have received along the way, for singing on New York stages.  For bringing me to LA. For the places I haven't been yet, I am grateful because I feel like I am living.  Living a life that always amazes me.

From Brooklyn to Venice Beach.

It was a decisions that had been weighing for a few weeks.  Wether I could give up New York and move to another creative city.  Was I done with the dog race that is New York? With all it's grit and rim.  With all it's magic and for me history.  The chapter of my life that changed me, forever.  It's a place not for everyone but it was mine and treated me well.  It does lack the balance of nature which is a part of me I can never ignore.  At least LA has a beach and a gorgeously spiritual one at that.  One that puts you in a meditative place where in New York I had to force myself to meditate. All choices, all decisions all keeping me up at night.  Regardless of what people think they know about me, although my decisions seem like they come out of no where it's something I weigh.  I'm a libra after all, must weigh all pros and cons. When I decide however, I have decided after many moons of should I or should I not.

I am a believer in opportunity and doors opening that only present themselves at moments in your life.  When the timing is right, when its supposed to.  You may never get this option again.  Keeping in mind your home base so if things fall apart you can come home. There is always home.  Be careful what you wish for however you might get doors that open that must be walked through.

It wasn't the easiest leaving and sometimes living in New York after almost 4 years. I cut my teeth and struggled for the entire time.  With small breaks of relief in between.  No one tells you how broke you might be.  How alone you might feel.  How lost moments affect you, how guilt of being away from family will be a hole in your heart that will never heal.  The upward climb, the downfall. The craziness. Ups and downs but fuck I loved it cause I felt like I was living and not settling. Growing and not dying a slow death.  Evolving not standing still. Learning about myself instead of avoiding my downfalls. This is part of the chaos. This is part of the story of when you break out of everything that is normal to you and conformed and create your own destiny.  Your own life.  Thank you New York for showing me this.

It was sad, I love New York for what it taught me.  How it grew me and made me see things about life.  It was an experience I will hold forever dear to my heart.  To my soul. It's not goodbye, it's see you soon. It took this small town girl and showed her the world.  A  world that opened my eyes to how short it is and how you should find out what you love.  Go against the norm and pave your way however hard it's worth it.

Here's to living and creating my second album on the boardwalk of Venice beach.  With sand between my toes and The Doors playing in the background. With artists showcasing their crafts and hints of  graffiti so I never feel too far away from where I started in the Lower East Side, Manhattan.

Heres to a new adventure in Los Angeles, California.

Cocaine.

We wanted an after party.
Deep into the streets.
Kids siting on a stoop,
Somewhere in Manhattan.
It was after 3.
He told me it's New York.
Let's just walk,
so we did.
It always looks like Film Noir.
That's what I love after midnight.
We walked up with some "models"
Didn't take long.
We mixed drinks,
And talked.
Hung out with strangers.
Then I saw powder.
As white as snow, but in lines.
On an iPad...
Separated in perfect symmetry.
Pupils dilated.
Jaw swinging like a swing set.
Suddenly we were at a party.
I didn't know what this meant.
Even the sight of it
made me feel, gross.
I had to leave.
Just to see it and watch others do it.
In 3 days I have seen 3 examples of it.

And I know it's still not for me.

So I left by myself.