I can't make you stay, thoughts of leaving you are more present. I wish I knew you more. I sometimes wonder what your doing. The lines have been crossed and I'm afraid it's over. I remember, everything. Sometimes that's not enough. All the flowers. All the meals I made for you with my last dollar because nothing is worst then not having a nice meal while living in NYC. You taught me how to paint. You always gave me the most special of gifts, the harmonica necklace will always stand out. I loved how you always held my bag of groceries. Anything that was too heavy.
I'm afraid though that we have gone too far. Boundaries I fear, although never clearly defined have been lost. I rely on you the most and this game we play is confusing and no one wins. I did come here for a reason because if not for me then for my brothers children. To believe in something, so that it wasn't defined for me. Nothing is more tragic. I hold it so close to my heart you would think it was an extension of my arm.
You grew all art for me, bigger and more grand then I could have seen. You took my best photo. Filmed me at my best, taught me about photography. I believe in you as much as you believed in me, in this world it only takes one person but means everything. It's a lonely journey out there.
I saved all your letters. I have your rose all around my apparent, they are dry now. I never sleep on the left side of the bed anymore. I know how to make tacos so much better now. I also sometimes miss that you don't come into the bathroom anymore while I take a bath. I can still hold my breath for a minute thirty.
I also never opened fully to you. Maybe it's my scares. A prior relationship wound that has clipped the wings of a once soaring bird. It was something that changed me. Sometimes you don't see that. I'm so grateful for it. It's what made me start living. sometimes you come to close to being him and I run. I didn't come here, go through this to be contained. I'm the most loyal. I am the most kind. I will never disappear but I'm losing faith in us. When you told me you were the oak tree you said this wouldn't happen. Now it is.
