The Mini Storage Moment..

I am in love.  This new direction has been rough, lots of ups and downs but then I find myself landed.  Taken, I surrendered and found myself back in a place I never wanted to leave.  Opening up boxes of a chapter that has been closed, finding my grandmothers old baking recipes and my old cookbooks makes me feel like I survived.  The storm has passed, it was the final step.

Opening up the door to the mini storage was like opening up a vault to my former life.  I found a box.  Tore the tape off and found myself in the cardboard.  I cried.  I cried a lot which is unusual.  Not having my things for 6 months made me turn inward, rebuild myself.  Taking my things completed my puzzle.

 I separated 2 very different lives yesterday.  One connected to beautiful cookbooks, amazing family photos and a knife set.  One deeply in love with the children in her life, one that keeps all her old music books and one that needs nothing more then her collected coffee mugs.  I found everything I wanted in a mist of a strangers things.

It was a beautifully symbolic day and I did it with a dear friend.  My gratitude for his help can not be expressed.  He put his hand on my back and said take as much time as you need.  The warmth of his character, his willingness to help me is completely overwhelming.  Little did he know he was doing something much bigger then helping a friend move, he was helping me get my life back.  I couldn't have been in better hands.  I may not have been able to do this all by myself.

 The memories that were so deeply locked away came back, and I cried for now it finally feels over.  Which isn't to say that it is bad but it's to say that I survived it.  Admitting strength is hard for all of us to do.  I didn't yell, I didn't cheat, I didn't hate my way through this.  I didn't become untrusting, regretful, guarded, or scared.  I didn't try to get back at someone or get into a relationship out of hurt.  I didn't bash anyone, I just didn't.  I kept walking hard as that was sometimes that's how I know it was love on my part. Because love is kind, love isn't malicious or mean.  Love cannot be that way if its true.  That's why I can say that I loved and although I lost..I will love again and win.

This is part 2 of my jouney.  The hopeful section.  The storm has passed, and thats beautiful thing.

Saying Goodbye.

Its never easy, in fact its the hardest part.  Although its not tears of sadness or regret.  Its not from a bad place or some place insincere.  Its real and raw, honest and true.  The goodbyes pill up alongside the fall leaves.  Each one a little harder, each one still significant.

I know what I'm leaving, I know my journey that I am on.  I never lost sight of it just momentarily pushed on pause.  When things get tough, I know I have you.  When things were bad, you were there.  I'm ready just not ready to say goodbye to all the many familiar faces.  This is what I dislike the most.  You would think it would get easier but it doesn't.  Its a wonderfully amazing foundation but damn it's hard to be apart.  It's never easy not seeing you.  Your face looks so real in memory I can practically touch it.  That's how I can say goodbye, or rather see you soon.

Its time for this caged bird to fly.  Its an amazing journey, scary as it may be to those around me its my path.  You may not understand why it needs to happen but for me its the only way I see.  I have a dream bigger then myself sometimes.  I opened a can of worms, I fought some inner stuff but I'm okay.  My dream is unfolding and if I don't jump now, I may never.  If I don't follow it I may lose it which can't be possible in my eyes.

 New York will be kind to me.  It took me the first time and I never wanted to leave it, I never wanted to let it go.  Its days away, the hardest is what Im in right now.  The days leading up to it are supposed to be great but to me they are sad.  Sad in a good way.  Sad because I won't be able to hug you. Sad because I won't be able to have a glass of wine next to you.  Sad because your memories are my memories.  I will always be there but the physical me can't walk with you.  That's a hard part for me.  When New York is cruel I will have your voice, I will have the comfort of knowing that you are there.

I dont say goodbye, I say see you soon.

We Are Glue..

Are you a person that sticks to those around you?  Do you hold relationships, grow them, work through them or leave them?  Are they disposable? Replaceable?  Real/Fake? Honest/Dishonest? Capable of greater things/dead before they have a chance to blossom?  

I remember leaving that day in London.  Usually I stick to those around me, work through the hard times. When I remember looking into the back window at a face so familiar to me, I sometimes wonder how I could have given up so easily.  Now trust me there were many things wrong, a trust broken a bond running thin but thats where I strive.  We all have breaking points.  Being in a foreign country and losing the grip of a friends hands, I ran.  Within 4 hours, he booked a flight.  There was no fight for anything.  He opened the door to the taxi and practically pushed me into it.  We both gave up that day.  I only share this not to change it but to say that even the strongest of a perceived bond can break.  I broke it, he broke it and at the end of it we lost a lot.  

The major lessons through this journey is I unhealthfully absorbed most of "his" stuff because the woman in my family tend to do that.  When in a relationship allow me to remind you that in order to be healthy you both need to be active participants in your OWN personal journey.  Your own goals, ambitions, your own drive, your own money and your own dream.  Never for a second absorb the other entirely, compliment and be a bonus to each other but never become each other.  The lessons I take away from this have been the most valuable to me and my personal journey.  Just needed to sum that up, out-loud.

Although I wouldn't change it, it's funny when you one day can wake up and observe it for what it really is.  The value of relationships/friendships and family are sometimes tricky but the most important undertaking .  They sway like a willow tree at the first sign of a breeze.  They are tested, broken and the true character of those around you will always be shown over time.  You stand by people, lighten the load for the ones you love but through it all who do you stand next to?  When things get tough, who do you call on?  More importantly who actually knows you?  

Saying goodbye was the hardest part during this journey, I was never good at it.  I still suck at it. although I don't cry very often theres something about that final moment that makes me momentary break a little.  You are either a surface person or a depth person, or somewhere in-between.  WE are glue, we are airplane glue at that..something just sticks and its forever hard to let go.  Tis a lonely world if we weren't this way.  

Music Clips!

http://soundcloud.com/daniellemueller

More sound clips available for the new 1950's sound for Dani & The Mad Men™

-Dani-

The Train

Imagine a train.  On a track, running.  Speeding fast around corners, creating gusts of air as it passes steadily with such direction.  The graffiti on either side isn't legible.   The steam is bellowing, the sound of metal and weight is piecing.  It makes a perfect howl while pushing steadily ahead, who knows where its going but it just is.  Even if it gets off track it is neither good or bad.  

Its symbolic of the track we are all on, neither good neither bad.  We are this train following some direction which is neither yours to judge or yours to perceive as anything but beautiful.  Its a direction that is meant for that person.  We all get off track, we all speed too fast sometimes but we are still going.  Still here, following what is best for each of us.  Along the way there maybe certain stops, certain judgement calls that is perfect for that persons journey.  Why is up to them, how is only theirs.  We can not direct their train, they are the conductor.  When I look at the trains passing me by or coming up behind me I am quick to say that although we may not carry the same freight we are blessed to be moving.  Where I used to categorize good and bad, I don't anymore because it's not mine.  

Input is not important anymore.  Judgement is a waste of time.  Be the train that is moving, evolving and creating its own direction.  Be careful of getting off track and come back to your rout in times of doubt or fear.  A train moves on a track laid out in front of itself, trust that it is perfect for you.  Neither good, neither bad..just is.   Be less concerned at how some can fix their tracks, or how you would do something differently you don't know anyone but yourself.

Where I once was so confused at how someone could collide in a destructive force into my train, I don't care anymore.  It all has some purpose although that answer may not be revealed to you right away.  Keep on in your direction have faith in the tracks that lay ahead and never for a moment fear that it will run into soil.  It is a journey and although some may have seen me get off track, my train continued to move and eventually got right back up to speed.  

You have a choice to keep on, slow down or stay off track either way it is perfect for your jouney in that moment.  It is unique to you and that is a beautiful thing.  

**The New Direction of Music**

I was driving in my car and heard something very interesting, Flo Rida did a remix featuring Etta James.  Now the last few month of research has brought me to Ms. Etta, Ray Charles, Muddy Waters and some of the artists featured on this here blog.  You might not think that this is a big deal but to me it's pretty epic considering that there is not only a change within the industry right now but the tide is pulling towards simpler times.  T.V is also picking up on the switch with shows like Mad Men (sound familiar) and PANAM.  History repeats itself and although technology is always changing and evolving, society stays the same.

There's a love for this era right now which makes me feel less crazy as this era has become my obsession. My new favorite thing, with a fresh real twist.  I heard that song and although I'm not the biggest Flo Rida fan, smiled.  You get weird signs like that in life.  Like a pat on the back saying your not the only one, others are doing their part to bring back the BIG comeback.

The research is endless.  Movies, media, songs, artists, print, my grandfathers house is like one big achieve.  All you have to do is pull your favorite pieces and put them together into what looks to others like a mess.  My perfect mess then you get little signs pointing you into yet another direction, you travel down it and although it may be a dead end it leads you to something better.  I am excited to see this change  within the industry as most artists lack on so many levels to me.  Where's the showmanship and why the f&^& is auto tune excepted? that's not real that breeds a enforcement where everybody and their mother thinks they got what it takes.  They don't.  Here's another point, music venues will be built for talent they shouldn't be built for talent that doesn't exist.  It's become dry, under impressive and these places aren't making the money they used to because the talent isn't what it used to be.  I'm tired of getting into it with musicians I interview, the good ones understand this.  Working at one of the best jazz clubs in the world and seeing the talent I see only certain people stop me and slap me in the face with how great they are.

There is no better artist then a live one.  There is no better time to bring back this era, then right now.  Im not setteling for this kind of music anymore, I'm creating another kind of style thats real and honest although I know exactly what I'm up against.  Here's to the good fight.

Sample Tracks for 1950's Vision

Dani & The Mad Men™

There's been a lot of behind the scene's work on my next musical adventure.  The sample tracks are out and the image is already underway.  This is my dream vision and now you can hear just a touch of what Dani & The Mad Men™ is all about!

http://soundcloud.com/daniellemueller