I got a private tour of the Lincoln Center. Walking the hallways, the behind the scenes that the many greats have walked. I was there. Like really there, my soul was shining. I was taken. I walked with a legend of sorts and he will remain unnamed. This doesn't happen to most and for that I am thankful. I touched the gray walls as if I had been there before but in reality I will never see the Lincoln center the way I did tonight. I was a kid in a candy store.
I also found a music mentor tonight, one willing to open a few closed doors for me. He has offered a window for me to sneak through. This is not messing around, this is pretty major. For that I give a kind smile to someone that sees something in me. For however brief we crossed paths for reason I may not understand for right now. I trust this, these things I trust. He has taken me under his wing, he will never know how in this moment he has changed me. This isn't small time anymore. I weaved through the halls completely comforted by talent all around me. I can do this, I am this. I may be a little girl with a dream but this dream has taken me to some great places within the last 7 days. Something rapid is happening around me and it just keeps getting better and the people around me are something of greatness.
I saw beautiful stages tonight, my imagination keeps growing. I want these venues. I want to create within these walls. This moment has changed my thinking to go even greater, to strive even further. I have someone willing to expose me to some pretty epic things. We are friends, kindred spirits with the same love although his is a tad more matured. I got to see Lincoln Center in a way most won't be able to. I got an in and let me remind you that when a door closes a window opens and I am living proof of a statement I said months ago when I had nothing when I had lost a lot.
I express gratitude. I say thank you and I believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be. As I was leaving the lead singer stopped and said I am now going to sing some blues. I paused and acknowleged this sign. She sang and my heart pounded for her, I knew in that moment I was on the right path. I had figured out my journey and now my imagination is endless. I had found endlessness again, the world is my oyster and will only be limited by what I haven't imagined yet. Now I know to shoot bigger.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
A Lesson
I think it's pretty beautiful, I find myself walking familiar streets of a place I know now by memory. New York is so easy to get lost in but so incredibly easy to find exactly where you need to be. I am in Manhattan, and my soul is finally smiling again. Before I would wear a smile but my heart wasn't happy. Now I feel both come full circle. Creating a creative place was my first mission. I needed my space to be beautiful so that my ideas would grow and mature. I needed a work center that would promote the brainstorm. I needed a place that would be safe, where I could shut the madness off. I needed walls to paint with image boards, I needed my space to be dedicated. A constant reminder of my desire, my passion.
You must remember that on July.5th I had moved back to Minnesota with only 2 suitcases, no job and no money. I was brokenhearted and beat up. I recovered for the next 3 weeks with the help of loved ones. I found a beautiful center within myself again and started creating. I fought to keep my head above water to not be swallowed by the sheer pain of it all. My breaking moment happened one month after I left London and found out that he was already with someone else. That's when I saw the situation very clear, a little too clear. I finally understood that it wasn't me. Woman have a rare ability to beat themselves up, rerun the details and I'm not sure why we do that. I learned in that moment that there is no point in doing so, there is no point because it doesn't change anything. If you are rerunning a situation let me tell you one thing, IT WILL STOP YOU FROM CREATING/REINVENTING YOURSELF. You are stuck in the past which means your not living in the moment (which is all you have). Let it go, don't carry it with you there is no space for it. From my experience there was no greater lesson. When I look at the storm I am entirely grateful for the rain. For when theres a storm eventually there will be a clearing for the sun. You must always go through it and respect the process. We all got something but only you control how it effects you and how you will treat others in return.
Months later I am singing on a stage in Manhattan and as I watch the storm clear all I see is the sun. I made it without becomeing a stone heart. Whatever it may be or whomever has done a shitty thing please let it go. Start now with a new outlook, don't let it take up anymore space protect this side of yourself.
You must remember that on July.5th I had moved back to Minnesota with only 2 suitcases, no job and no money. I was brokenhearted and beat up. I recovered for the next 3 weeks with the help of loved ones. I found a beautiful center within myself again and started creating. I fought to keep my head above water to not be swallowed by the sheer pain of it all. My breaking moment happened one month after I left London and found out that he was already with someone else. That's when I saw the situation very clear, a little too clear. I finally understood that it wasn't me. Woman have a rare ability to beat themselves up, rerun the details and I'm not sure why we do that. I learned in that moment that there is no point in doing so, there is no point because it doesn't change anything. If you are rerunning a situation let me tell you one thing, IT WILL STOP YOU FROM CREATING/REINVENTING YOURSELF. You are stuck in the past which means your not living in the moment (which is all you have). Let it go, don't carry it with you there is no space for it. From my experience there was no greater lesson. When I look at the storm I am entirely grateful for the rain. For when theres a storm eventually there will be a clearing for the sun. You must always go through it and respect the process. We all got something but only you control how it effects you and how you will treat others in return.
Months later I am singing on a stage in Manhattan and as I watch the storm clear all I see is the sun. I made it without becomeing a stone heart. Whatever it may be or whomever has done a shitty thing please let it go. Start now with a new outlook, don't let it take up anymore space protect this side of yourself.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Less Then 1 Week & I Sang In Manhattan!!!!!
Let me share something pretty fu&*ing cool with you. About 2 months ago I envisioned a stage (remember I wrote about it, http://whereadoorcloses.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-stage.html) while walking home from dinner with friends I stopped at a new jazz/blues club that opened up right across the street from me (weird huh?). I walked in and my heart almost stopped. From the red of the curtain to the position of the musicians, I had seen this before I actually physically "seen" it, if that makes sense. I actually drew a sketch months ago in Minnesota of this exact moment.
As I walked into a very crowded bar a very kind gentleman gave his seat up for me. Little did I know that I had sat right next to the singer of the group that was playing that night. We start talking, I pitch the Dani & The Mad Men vision (because I TELL EVERYONE & THEIR MOM ABOUT IT) and he says "well you think you got what it takes so lets put you on stage and see what you got."
My reaction was sh&% IJ YHJKD^%&^$ G&*& DGSJ^*W()W*E HDKS&RWIUIO!!!!!!! Im about to sing on a stage in Manhattan, holy shit this is cool. This is my moment.
I got up on stage with not an ounce of nervousness, I went up there feeling like I was home. A home I have missed for so long, a home I gave up on at one point. A stage I learned how to love again. I stood and did impromptu jazz/blues and to be honest I don't remember what I sang but whatever it was it lead the crowd to ask for 2 more songs for me to sing. It's within this moment I give gratitude. It reaffirmed all that I have been doing behind the scenes with music, and that I am in fact NOT going bad shit crazy. I have been here less then a week and was just busting to get that microphone and I got much more then that. I got the stage I saw months ago and now a network of musicians within my neighborhood wanting to work with me.
I share this moment because I am a firm believer that if you go somewhere in mind first, you will go there in body second. To the first of many stages, to my many homes.
As I walked into a very crowded bar a very kind gentleman gave his seat up for me. Little did I know that I had sat right next to the singer of the group that was playing that night. We start talking, I pitch the Dani & The Mad Men vision (because I TELL EVERYONE & THEIR MOM ABOUT IT) and he says "well you think you got what it takes so lets put you on stage and see what you got."
My reaction was sh&% IJ YHJKD^%&^$ G&*& DGSJ^*W()W*E HDKS&RWIUIO!!!!!!! Im about to sing on a stage in Manhattan, holy shit this is cool. This is my moment.
I got up on stage with not an ounce of nervousness, I went up there feeling like I was home. A home I have missed for so long, a home I gave up on at one point. A stage I learned how to love again. I stood and did impromptu jazz/blues and to be honest I don't remember what I sang but whatever it was it lead the crowd to ask for 2 more songs for me to sing. It's within this moment I give gratitude. It reaffirmed all that I have been doing behind the scenes with music, and that I am in fact NOT going bad shit crazy. I have been here less then a week and was just busting to get that microphone and I got much more then that. I got the stage I saw months ago and now a network of musicians within my neighborhood wanting to work with me.
I share this moment because I am a firm believer that if you go somewhere in mind first, you will go there in body second. To the first of many stages, to my many homes.
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Progression
When navigating though a vision its funny the many directions it takes. When I look at the space I created within a small little room in the massiveness of Manhattan I sometimes wonder if its real. When you create something, sometimes you feel as if your the only one that believes it. Maybe that's all it takes, perhaps that's all that's needed. When I see the vision boards pill up and my ideas run wild in my book, I wonder when life will be breathed into it. The progression of Dani & The Mad Men is unfolding in front of your eyes, I want to remember this hustle. I want to remember the ups and the downs, the endless phone calls I make. The leads I follow with a dead end, the leads I follow with a detour. I sometimes want to scream, then I want to jump for joy. Isn't this life? I love that I can share this with you as most people with a vision give up. I'm not that person. You will hear me scream, I will be honest enough to tell you of my frustrations and the moments of complete gratitude.
When navigating through a vision there is no set way. There isn't a path and dear god I wish sometimes there was a map. I was told by a very well known Jazz musician that has been kind enough to take me under her wing, "be ready for the ride girl, there's going to be a lot more downs then ups and it all depends on how bad you want this." That's with anything you do, that's with anything you protect within the walls of your mind. This started for me 4 months ago and I can't give up on it however frustrating it seems at times. The flood gates have been opened and I can't shut it off because I don't know how. I am like a bear protecting her cub and I want you to say that I can't do (in fact no one has) perhaps that's an inner battle you fight when creating something out of thin air.
The love for Dani & The Mad Men is unconditional, I know it's going to take hustle and I know I'm going to have to break down some walls. I want to remember this to perhaps give some faith to someone else that's creating something. It's ups and downs but when I lay my head down at night and see myself in the final product I know then that its real. Real and passionate to me, honest to myself, successful to the only person I answer to. Its not a dream then I would only be a dreamer, it's not just a vision then only I could see it. It's me, it's my arm and it's with me all the time.
As of right now. The progression is that I have connected with professional fulltime musicians who are helping me, THANK YOU. Without using names you would know who they are, I am utilizing them as a resource and the audition process starts tomorrow.
I want to remember this moment. So that you and I know that its not just a dream, its a progression. To my progression, theres no turning back. I am thankful for my connections they didn't have to take me under their wing for that I am thankful.
When navigating through a vision there is no set way. There isn't a path and dear god I wish sometimes there was a map. I was told by a very well known Jazz musician that has been kind enough to take me under her wing, "be ready for the ride girl, there's going to be a lot more downs then ups and it all depends on how bad you want this." That's with anything you do, that's with anything you protect within the walls of your mind. This started for me 4 months ago and I can't give up on it however frustrating it seems at times. The flood gates have been opened and I can't shut it off because I don't know how. I am like a bear protecting her cub and I want you to say that I can't do (in fact no one has) perhaps that's an inner battle you fight when creating something out of thin air.
The love for Dani & The Mad Men is unconditional, I know it's going to take hustle and I know I'm going to have to break down some walls. I want to remember this to perhaps give some faith to someone else that's creating something. It's ups and downs but when I lay my head down at night and see myself in the final product I know then that its real. Real and passionate to me, honest to myself, successful to the only person I answer to. Its not a dream then I would only be a dreamer, it's not just a vision then only I could see it. It's me, it's my arm and it's with me all the time.
As of right now. The progression is that I have connected with professional fulltime musicians who are helping me, THANK YOU. Without using names you would know who they are, I am utilizing them as a resource and the audition process starts tomorrow.
I want to remember this moment. So that you and I know that its not just a dream, its a progression. To my progression, theres no turning back. I am thankful for my connections they didn't have to take me under their wing for that I am thankful.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Hello Dani & The Mad Men™
Lets not forget the real reason I came to Manhattan, I got some hell to raise...
http://soundcloud.com/daniellemueller
The hustle has begun..
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Mini Storage Moment..
I am in love. This new direction has been rough, lots of ups and downs but then I find myself landed. Taken, I surrendered and found myself back in a place I never wanted to leave. Opening up boxes of a chapter that has been closed, finding my grandmothers old baking recipes and my old cookbooks makes me feel like I survived. The storm has passed, it was the final step.
Opening up the door to the mini storage was like opening up a vault to my former life. I found a box. Tore the tape off and found myself in the cardboard. I cried. I cried a lot which is unusual. Not having my things for 6 months made me turn inward, rebuild myself. Taking my things completed my puzzle.
I separated 2 very different lives yesterday. One connected to beautiful cookbooks, amazing family photos and a knife set. One deeply in love with the children in her life, one that keeps all her old music books and one that needs nothing more then her collected coffee mugs. I found everything I wanted in a mist of a strangers things.
It was a beautifully symbolic day and I did it with a dear friend. My gratitude for his help can not be expressed. He put his hand on my back and said take as much time as you need. The warmth of his character, his willingness to help me is completely overwhelming. Little did he know he was doing something much bigger then helping a friend move, he was helping me get my life back. I couldn't have been in better hands. I may not have been able to do this all by myself.
The memories that were so deeply locked away came back, and I cried for now it finally feels over. Which isn't to say that it is bad but it's to say that I survived it. Admitting strength is hard for all of us to do. I didn't yell, I didn't cheat, I didn't hate my way through this. I didn't become untrusting, regretful, guarded, or scared. I didn't try to get back at someone or get into a relationship out of hurt. I didn't bash anyone, I just didn't. I kept walking hard as that was sometimes that's how I know it was love on my part. Because love is kind, love isn't malicious or mean. Love cannot be that way if its true. That's why I can say that I loved and although I lost..I will love again and win.
This is part 2 of my jouney. The hopeful section. The storm has passed, and thats beautiful thing.
Opening up the door to the mini storage was like opening up a vault to my former life. I found a box. Tore the tape off and found myself in the cardboard. I cried. I cried a lot which is unusual. Not having my things for 6 months made me turn inward, rebuild myself. Taking my things completed my puzzle.
I separated 2 very different lives yesterday. One connected to beautiful cookbooks, amazing family photos and a knife set. One deeply in love with the children in her life, one that keeps all her old music books and one that needs nothing more then her collected coffee mugs. I found everything I wanted in a mist of a strangers things.
It was a beautifully symbolic day and I did it with a dear friend. My gratitude for his help can not be expressed. He put his hand on my back and said take as much time as you need. The warmth of his character, his willingness to help me is completely overwhelming. Little did he know he was doing something much bigger then helping a friend move, he was helping me get my life back. I couldn't have been in better hands. I may not have been able to do this all by myself.
The memories that were so deeply locked away came back, and I cried for now it finally feels over. Which isn't to say that it is bad but it's to say that I survived it. Admitting strength is hard for all of us to do. I didn't yell, I didn't cheat, I didn't hate my way through this. I didn't become untrusting, regretful, guarded, or scared. I didn't try to get back at someone or get into a relationship out of hurt. I didn't bash anyone, I just didn't. I kept walking hard as that was sometimes that's how I know it was love on my part. Because love is kind, love isn't malicious or mean. Love cannot be that way if its true. That's why I can say that I loved and although I lost..I will love again and win.
This is part 2 of my jouney. The hopeful section. The storm has passed, and thats beautiful thing.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saying Goodbye.
Its never easy, in fact its the hardest part. Although its not tears of sadness or regret. Its not from a bad place or some place insincere. Its real and raw, honest and true. The goodbyes pill up alongside the fall leaves. Each one a little harder, each one still significant.
I know what I'm leaving, I know my journey that I am on. I never lost sight of it just momentarily pushed on pause. When things get tough, I know I have you. When things were bad, you were there. I'm ready just not ready to say goodbye to all the many familiar faces. This is what I dislike the most. You would think it would get easier but it doesn't. Its a wonderfully amazing foundation but damn it's hard to be apart. It's never easy not seeing you. Your face looks so real in memory I can practically touch it. That's how I can say goodbye, or rather see you soon.
Its time for this caged bird to fly. Its an amazing journey, scary as it may be to those around me its my path. You may not understand why it needs to happen but for me its the only way I see. I have a dream bigger then myself sometimes. I opened a can of worms, I fought some inner stuff but I'm okay. My dream is unfolding and if I don't jump now, I may never. If I don't follow it I may lose it which can't be possible in my eyes.
New York will be kind to me. It took me the first time and I never wanted to leave it, I never wanted to let it go. Its days away, the hardest is what Im in right now. The days leading up to it are supposed to be great but to me they are sad. Sad in a good way. Sad because I won't be able to hug you. Sad because I won't be able to have a glass of wine next to you. Sad because your memories are my memories. I will always be there but the physical me can't walk with you. That's a hard part for me. When New York is cruel I will have your voice, I will have the comfort of knowing that you are there.
I dont say goodbye, I say see you soon.
I know what I'm leaving, I know my journey that I am on. I never lost sight of it just momentarily pushed on pause. When things get tough, I know I have you. When things were bad, you were there. I'm ready just not ready to say goodbye to all the many familiar faces. This is what I dislike the most. You would think it would get easier but it doesn't. Its a wonderfully amazing foundation but damn it's hard to be apart. It's never easy not seeing you. Your face looks so real in memory I can practically touch it. That's how I can say goodbye, or rather see you soon.
Its time for this caged bird to fly. Its an amazing journey, scary as it may be to those around me its my path. You may not understand why it needs to happen but for me its the only way I see. I have a dream bigger then myself sometimes. I opened a can of worms, I fought some inner stuff but I'm okay. My dream is unfolding and if I don't jump now, I may never. If I don't follow it I may lose it which can't be possible in my eyes.
New York will be kind to me. It took me the first time and I never wanted to leave it, I never wanted to let it go. Its days away, the hardest is what Im in right now. The days leading up to it are supposed to be great but to me they are sad. Sad in a good way. Sad because I won't be able to hug you. Sad because I won't be able to have a glass of wine next to you. Sad because your memories are my memories. I will always be there but the physical me can't walk with you. That's a hard part for me. When New York is cruel I will have your voice, I will have the comfort of knowing that you are there.
I dont say goodbye, I say see you soon.
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