Its been a year and a half. Even when I was on stage then I was a pussy and held back. Not sure entirely why but I was untrained and under practiced. I didn't lock myself in the bathroom for half the day, I just didn't have enough drive or disciple. I was in the wrong place and singing from a place that didn't mean anything. I was just a likable voice but nowhere on was an emotional vulnerability, you saw no scares. You felt no pain, you didn't believe me. You just listened but I didn't move you. I didn't go into your chest and touch parts of your heart you didn't know existed. I didn't make you think anything, I didn't challenge you enough. I read words on paper, there is such a difference. HUGE difference.
Now I know I have a long road ahead of me. I did one live performance at a small venue for about 60 people, but all I know is something is different. I feel something different, I move different...I feel my story being told and although fucked up we all share in it. I believe it and too often in this world we tend not to believe. I could hear a pin drop, I could hear someone breathing to the left of me. I could see everyone in the front row, I felt the heat of the lights on my face. I was home..
The truth remains though and there is one honesty to this story and that is that I am not myself when I go too long without the stage. I'm not me. Without it I feel as if I'm a shadow of myself. This is awesome because it makes me want to seek out every stage, big or small. I don't care, I just want it. Audience or not (although it helps).
I couldn't rehearse anymore, I couldn't repeat the lyrics any more then I did. I couldn't help the butterflies right before I was called up. I couldn't fight the intense feeling of pride that I had created something. The first is always the weirdest but from the moment I opened my mouth, I was at home. A home I hadn't felt in a year and a half. I missed it. I was scared of it but I also intensely missed it, its shameful that I would go so long. I had to go through this tho, the fact remains I wouldn't take any of it back.
My mother said "You are not Justin Bieber, your words come from a different place, a place that lasts."
Sing from that place.
Believe in that place.
Go to that place.
When on stage stay there in the place that makes you feel vulnerable but yet alive.
And never stop searching for that next stage. PERIOD.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Hitting The NYC Stage on 02/16/12
Its been a long road. Not only was I mending a broken heart but also going through 4 stressful moves and out of all of this I created Dani & The Mad Men. We have been writing original music since December (13 songs down) and now its time to go live around Manhattan. This journey has taught me so much about strength and overcoming fear while always trusting your instinct. Its about putting heart and soul back into music and sharing with others in our struggles and heartbreak. Its saying that most stuff in this life isn't easy but you can go through it one step at a time while creating something beautiful for yourself.
Timing is everything and it's neither for you or against you..it just simply is. I am beyond ready to showcase this moment with the world. I am not fearful or shy neither embarrassed or doubtful. I am not the Danielle I was 6 months ago, I am Dani. The Dani that sits up at night writing music, that records on one take, that has been on stage at the Grammys (in spirit) and that will stop at nothing for the sake of my dream.
We hit the stage on Thursday and finally I wont be singing into a hairspray can in front of the mirror. I am ready and deserving of this little thing I call Dani & The Mad Men. Watch out the hard work starts now..
http://soundcloud.com/daniandthemadmen10
Real, honest, and ready..
Timing is everything and it's neither for you or against you..it just simply is. I am beyond ready to showcase this moment with the world. I am not fearful or shy neither embarrassed or doubtful. I am not the Danielle I was 6 months ago, I am Dani. The Dani that sits up at night writing music, that records on one take, that has been on stage at the Grammys (in spirit) and that will stop at nothing for the sake of my dream.
We hit the stage on Thursday and finally I wont be singing into a hairspray can in front of the mirror. I am ready and deserving of this little thing I call Dani & The Mad Men. Watch out the hard work starts now..
http://soundcloud.com/daniandthemadmen10
Real, honest, and ready..
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Manhattan Your Also A Real Ahole
So I know I rant and rave about how fucking cool Manhattan is and from the depths of my heart I truly do love this city although there are many things I dislike. It's not easy sometimes. There is many sides of New York and there are some weeks that make me want to scream. Most days things work but then there are moments that make me wonder what its all for (then I'm reminded, music of course). I did come here for a reason after all.
It kinda starts out like this. Moments before the subway arrives your metro-card just decides to stop working, the subway leaves and now your card works and the next train is 20 minutes away. Lovely! So you decide to go grab a coffee while you wait and the cashier says 10.00 dollar card minimum and you have no cash. Perfect! Then it starts raining and you failed to grab your umbrella because it was 50 and sunny moments ago. Come on! Then it feels like everyone and their mother doesn't notice you enough to not bump into you. Fu&^*!
Disclaimer: I would like to think that I exercise patience in almost every area of my life but then I have days like this and want to curl up in a ball and never leave my front door. It is easy and then you get into the grind that pisses you off. I can laugh as I write about it now and perhaps in everyones life we encounter these precises moments to make us want what we want more.
I'm not giving up on anything but in the mist of these kind of days I hit a point where I stand still in the mist of the bustle and breath. I stop square in the middle of everyone (which is probably adding to their frustration and is highly annoying) I stand still. Even if it's in the middle of an intersection (which is very unsafe) but whenever I feel myself wanting to punch my fellow neighbor square in the face I know it's time to stop. It's time because it's such a mind set game. When things are starting to crumble, it starts to downward spiral and then that's all your focusing on is the mess. Then you see a complete stranger sleeping in garbage bags over a gutter and things don't seem so bad after all. That's when I place my 5.00 latte and 6.00 scone next to that guy. And head back down the nasty stairs to my now delayed subway cart. Then I smile and start singing. Singing in my head that is. The subway arrives and a nice stranger gives up their seat for me during my 45 minute commute. Not so bad after all.
So I can see now that it would be easy for this city to break someone. I know both sides and overall NYC has been kind, for that I am thankful. We all have moments, but these moments are reminders for us to slow down and practice kindness and patience. There's no need to rush I believe that is what breeds greed and lack of consideration for others. I need people on my side more then anything right now but I'm not going to pretend that NYC doesn't piss me off at times. The bustle, the being away from family is the hardest balance for me to find. Its all part of following a dream, its all part of wanting something. Its part of the journey that I wouldn't give up for anything. On these days just smile.
My feet are where they belong..
It kinda starts out like this. Moments before the subway arrives your metro-card just decides to stop working, the subway leaves and now your card works and the next train is 20 minutes away. Lovely! So you decide to go grab a coffee while you wait and the cashier says 10.00 dollar card minimum and you have no cash. Perfect! Then it starts raining and you failed to grab your umbrella because it was 50 and sunny moments ago. Come on! Then it feels like everyone and their mother doesn't notice you enough to not bump into you. Fu&^*!
Disclaimer: I would like to think that I exercise patience in almost every area of my life but then I have days like this and want to curl up in a ball and never leave my front door. It is easy and then you get into the grind that pisses you off. I can laugh as I write about it now and perhaps in everyones life we encounter these precises moments to make us want what we want more.
I'm not giving up on anything but in the mist of these kind of days I hit a point where I stand still in the mist of the bustle and breath. I stop square in the middle of everyone (which is probably adding to their frustration and is highly annoying) I stand still. Even if it's in the middle of an intersection (which is very unsafe) but whenever I feel myself wanting to punch my fellow neighbor square in the face I know it's time to stop. It's time because it's such a mind set game. When things are starting to crumble, it starts to downward spiral and then that's all your focusing on is the mess. Then you see a complete stranger sleeping in garbage bags over a gutter and things don't seem so bad after all. That's when I place my 5.00 latte and 6.00 scone next to that guy. And head back down the nasty stairs to my now delayed subway cart. Then I smile and start singing. Singing in my head that is. The subway arrives and a nice stranger gives up their seat for me during my 45 minute commute. Not so bad after all.
So I can see now that it would be easy for this city to break someone. I know both sides and overall NYC has been kind, for that I am thankful. We all have moments, but these moments are reminders for us to slow down and practice kindness and patience. There's no need to rush I believe that is what breeds greed and lack of consideration for others. I need people on my side more then anything right now but I'm not going to pretend that NYC doesn't piss me off at times. The bustle, the being away from family is the hardest balance for me to find. Its all part of following a dream, its all part of wanting something. Its part of the journey that I wouldn't give up for anything. On these days just smile.
My feet are where they belong..
Monday, January 30, 2012
Moments Like This in Manhattan
Theres a place in Manhattan I try to avoid, a place that makes me want to run out of it as fast as I walk into it. Its a dreadful little place filled with bright shiny lights and the human excess. Every corporate food chain as far as the eye can see, and more people stopping and staring in awe as if it was their first time seeing bright lights. This place is the pit of advertising and marketing and if for only a day we turned off all the lights we would solve global warming. Seizure prone beware and the ADHD are welcome.
This day was different however. I sat espresso in hand on the random red staircase in the mist of Times Square. It was particularly pretty on this day, I sat. Still and watched as so many ran, walked and passed. It wasn't as crowded as I always recall and I kid you not as I sat on the staircase the clouds parted ways and slivers of sunlight crept through the skyscrapers hitting my face. All around me there were others doing the same as I and I didn't hate it I actually thought it was impressive. Why had I judged Times Square so harshly? For an entertainer it would do me no greater pleasure then to one day be plastered on the side of a giant building.
Now lets get one thing straight I would never live by Times Square, the energy isn't me but I think it's a step if I can at least sit within it. Theres something so strange about being so small in the mist of something so large. It made me feel like this tiny insignificant speck in the presence of over sized people plastered on the biggest screens you have ever seen. Its cool, not as cool as where I currently live but different.
Manhattan is such a playground, within blocks so much changes. The neighborhoods expand, shift and change. Its incredible living here by myself, sometimes it gives me an ass whooping but overall when I sit back and look at where this year has taken me I can honestly say I wouldn't take one thing back. I look at where I landed and I see strength, curiosity and such intense growth. I also overcame one thing and that was that I never wanted him to have New York. That was my biggest fear that of all the things he took from me he may still have NYC if I didn't come back. The truth remains though that I would never let him mark this city. This is my Manhattan, this is my city..my way.
With all my heart I heart NYC.
Its not for everyone but for me its just right...
This day was different however. I sat espresso in hand on the random red staircase in the mist of Times Square. It was particularly pretty on this day, I sat. Still and watched as so many ran, walked and passed. It wasn't as crowded as I always recall and I kid you not as I sat on the staircase the clouds parted ways and slivers of sunlight crept through the skyscrapers hitting my face. All around me there were others doing the same as I and I didn't hate it I actually thought it was impressive. Why had I judged Times Square so harshly? For an entertainer it would do me no greater pleasure then to one day be plastered on the side of a giant building.
Now lets get one thing straight I would never live by Times Square, the energy isn't me but I think it's a step if I can at least sit within it. Theres something so strange about being so small in the mist of something so large. It made me feel like this tiny insignificant speck in the presence of over sized people plastered on the biggest screens you have ever seen. Its cool, not as cool as where I currently live but different.
Manhattan is such a playground, within blocks so much changes. The neighborhoods expand, shift and change. Its incredible living here by myself, sometimes it gives me an ass whooping but overall when I sit back and look at where this year has taken me I can honestly say I wouldn't take one thing back. I look at where I landed and I see strength, curiosity and such intense growth. I also overcame one thing and that was that I never wanted him to have New York. That was my biggest fear that of all the things he took from me he may still have NYC if I didn't come back. The truth remains though that I would never let him mark this city. This is my Manhattan, this is my city..my way.
With all my heart I heart NYC.
Its not for everyone but for me its just right...
Saturday, January 21, 2012
And this is why I love Duffy..
As a songwriter I say hell yes to this song, you go Duffy. Song called Rain on Your Parade by the one and only Duffy.
I wish you well
I hope you survive
I hope you live, oh baby, so I can watch you cry.
'Cause I know in time you'll see what you did to me
And you'll come running back.
I'm gonna rain on your parade
No, I won't take it again
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
I'm gonna rain on your parade.
No, I won't take it again.
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
I pity the fools who believe in you
'Cause I know someday now, they'll see your colors too.
And if you see a smile, besides my face, no I'm doing good.
Since you've been erased.
Cause I know in time you'll see what you did to me
And you'll come running back.
I'm gonna rain on your parade.
No, I won't take it again.
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
I'm gonna rain on your parade.
No, I won't take it again.
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
I'm gonna rain on your parade.
No, I won't take it again.
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
I'm gonna rain on your parade.
No, I won't take it again.
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
I'm gonna rain on your parade.
No, I won't take it again.
And I'll keep raining, raining, raining over you.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I Live For This Sh*&
So many of my hours are spent in a little cafe in my neighborhood in the LES. I shut off everything and sit in a tiny little shoebox of a place and absorb as much information pertaining to the 1930-50's as humanly possible. I'm like a little kid in a candy store and I feel like I hit the fucking jackpot every time I discover yet another artist that makes me smile. Makes me fall in love although sometimes I may seem like I'm going a little crazy I understand why and I guess that's all that's needed.
We should all do something that makes us feel something. Its not like I'm snorting crack in a dark alley, its the kinda thing for me that lights a fire within my spirit. I can't shut it off even if I wanted to and I want for myself the same for you. To fall in love with something your passionate about and not care or wonder why. To do something that just feels good, to love something without reason. Perhaps I was born in the wrong era but the more I age the more I crave the old school, the classic. Age is wisdom, not something that should be feared and when I research this more things become clearer. I can't explain it and don't think I need to. This is my joy. Below are the things that make me feel something honest, something real and that how I know its love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr5XQ9BhOqM&noredirect=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUtjUy3UgMA&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbS99utiV3o&feature=fvwrel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEQFZ0R-248&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTIWO0hdAeU&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz2cZx118P0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G7UIeYGq0k&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh8ZpZkUr2Y&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVg01gzC_Vw&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWNJmM8GLy0&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sAbW0ONRBU&feature=related
We should all do something that makes us feel something. Its not like I'm snorting crack in a dark alley, its the kinda thing for me that lights a fire within my spirit. I can't shut it off even if I wanted to and I want for myself the same for you. To fall in love with something your passionate about and not care or wonder why. To do something that just feels good, to love something without reason. Perhaps I was born in the wrong era but the more I age the more I crave the old school, the classic. Age is wisdom, not something that should be feared and when I research this more things become clearer. I can't explain it and don't think I need to. This is my joy. Below are the things that make me feel something honest, something real and that how I know its love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr5XQ9BhOqM&noredirect=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUtjUy3UgMA&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbS99utiV3o&feature=fvwrel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEQFZ0R-248&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTIWO0hdAeU&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz2cZx118P0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G7UIeYGq0k&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh8ZpZkUr2Y&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVg01gzC_Vw&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWNJmM8GLy0&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sAbW0ONRBU&feature=related
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Family; The Reason to Take a Risk.
I was here in the same place that I live now only a few shy months ago. I didn't walk these streets alone, in fact this time last year I was here for an entirely different purpose. I was living someone elses life, its fucking crazy to think of how naive I was. Isn't that life though? The real purpose was only to bring me to the streets of Manhattan. It was to take my safe soles and place them in an unfamiliar place. To scare the shit out of me, but it didn't. It excited me, I got the opportunity to be scared. When scared, walk into it don't run from it. Be brave and you will see what happens. This world is not worth staying in a bubble for.
I fight with this sometimes because it is a weird challenge to want something familiar while in such a mess of a place. Now all I crave is something unfamiliar. I want to see the untouched territory I have yet to experience. I want to walk on the edge of something that makes me flirt with the idea of not having it. I want to say that I have done it and that I would do it again even if it doesn't work out. Some people stay so safe out of fear and see so little because that fear keeps them in such a place. Perhaps I seem crazy because of all my jumping but sometimes not caring where you will land will take you to such a place.
There is a safety net, there always is. For me the safety net is my family having them makes me never feel entirely alone or out of control. I know that if everything crumbs (like it already did once) they will help. They wont give me more then I need but as my sister said "I will bath you if you feel like you cant" now that's love. The real kind of love, the love that says I will stop my life for you until you are well because I am not well if you are not. That's entirly powerful, that's the stuff this life is made of. I would stay so safe if I didn't have a solid foundation perhaps that's why you feel the need to not extend outside of your own comfort zone. This is the time to mend those relationships, make them strong. Build on them, watch them fall back and then grow them once again. That's what family does, its the only kind of relationship that can withstand even the most trying of times. We are in trying times now, step away and look with a non-judgemental eye at the reality of your family dynamics.
The grand compromise for me is being here and having them be there
It is a compromise I think about everyday
A swelling in my heart that never goes away..
That's why I keep them in frames in my room
to remind myself everyday how lucky I am
to have
every
single
one
of
them..
Ready Set Jump..
-Dani
I fight with this sometimes because it is a weird challenge to want something familiar while in such a mess of a place. Now all I crave is something unfamiliar. I want to see the untouched territory I have yet to experience. I want to walk on the edge of something that makes me flirt with the idea of not having it. I want to say that I have done it and that I would do it again even if it doesn't work out. Some people stay so safe out of fear and see so little because that fear keeps them in such a place. Perhaps I seem crazy because of all my jumping but sometimes not caring where you will land will take you to such a place.
There is a safety net, there always is. For me the safety net is my family having them makes me never feel entirely alone or out of control. I know that if everything crumbs (like it already did once) they will help. They wont give me more then I need but as my sister said "I will bath you if you feel like you cant" now that's love. The real kind of love, the love that says I will stop my life for you until you are well because I am not well if you are not. That's entirly powerful, that's the stuff this life is made of. I would stay so safe if I didn't have a solid foundation perhaps that's why you feel the need to not extend outside of your own comfort zone. This is the time to mend those relationships, make them strong. Build on them, watch them fall back and then grow them once again. That's what family does, its the only kind of relationship that can withstand even the most trying of times. We are in trying times now, step away and look with a non-judgemental eye at the reality of your family dynamics.
The grand compromise for me is being here and having them be there
It is a compromise I think about everyday
A swelling in my heart that never goes away..
That's why I keep them in frames in my room
to remind myself everyday how lucky I am
to have
every
single
one
of
them..
Ready Set Jump..
-Dani
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