My Debut Album is on iTunes.

A few days ago I released my debut album called To Be Sown.  The journey of a singer/songwriter is often filled with high highs and very low lows.  It's not always easy, doing it in the biggest city in the world presents even more challenges.

3 years ago I was a girl new to New York, claiming to be a singer/songwriter.  I had no album, I had no band.  I told everyone I met, I wanted everyone to believe as much as I did and they did.  Even though I had nothing to prove I actually was but voice clips with no instruments.  The shear determination of my 26 year old self almost feels like someone else. When my memories flash to those days it's like I'm watching a movie about someone else's life, certainly not mine.  But that was the start.  It was the building blocks to this moment when perhaps I wasn't but was one day gonna be.

It is the weirdest feeling truly. Its uncomfortable and doubtful with moments of did I really release an album? Are people going to understand what I'm saying?  Will anyone hear it, like really hear it? The journey to where I am today was dependent on many different factors.  Choices, I see now but didn't understand when I went through them.  From saying, to doing.

The album is meant to be listened to from start to finish.  It was written like a book, by me about experiences I went through and experiences I witnessed.  It's very true to life which means it's pages ripped from my diary.  It's as honest as I could get.

On the dock of my parents lake, in my deepest of despair.  I looked to the sky and declared I would make a horribly painful breakup a beautiful experience.  I can now say after 3 years, I have.  

To Be Sown on iTunes now, please enjoy and share a review:)

https://itunes.apple.com/album/to-be-sown/id830744910#.UxbT-9oe7MY.email

California.

I wanted so badly for you to stop.  Be truly in the moment.  I felt I was always making you come back.  There was one place I never had to do that.  When my feel touched the purest sand, we walked so far away from the boardwalk.  I will never forget the sound of souls trying to make it.  I will never forget the warmth of the sun and the way the ocean got louder.  It felt like quicksand, each toe grasping for earth.  The wind made it feel like you were in the deep desert and the ocean was merely a figment of your imagination. But it was worth believing in.  It was the first time I ever saw you happy.

I saw the intense love.  I couldn't move you, you were already moved. It was the time I saw you calm.  Really relishing in what it felt like to be free, if not only for a moment.  It was as if you saw her for the first time.

On this day we took it to the edge, dipping our feet in and running as it was a bucket of ice. Yet we still were tempted by it.  Each wave coming close enough.  It felt like dancing.  We walked beyond the noise of the boardwalk, followed the sun.  I collected shells,  you gazed.  Hills to the right, strangers never too close.  The purest of sand below our feet.  Its the only time I love to hear the seagulls sing, every so often answering to the mighty ocean. We ate breakfast here.  I made mashed potatoes with a fork.  That ice cream cone in front of Jim Morrison's house though, that's when I saw you.  Like really saw you, the golden sunset and the dancing welcomers to the darkness.  Under a blanket we looked up at the stars we never see in New York and much like with the ocean, fell in love all over again.

We heard skateboards. You played The Doors. It was the last time I heard the ocean.

Grain.

On the storm.
Waves that tide.
Same water
Makes the grain.
Only certain ones wash,
Twice.
Maybe 3.
Sweeter.
Cause when you swim.
In. It...
How pure it was?
When you
Didn't mess with it.

Sneak Peak of Track from my First Album.

Its here! Sneak peak of my first album is finally here.  To those that have helped, to those that read my blog my first love has always been music! I hope you enjoy! Full album coming later this month.

All you have to do is click on link and support art!

http://danierinmusic.bandcamp.com/

Forever Until.

I can't make you stay, thoughts of leaving you are more present. I wish I knew you more.   I sometimes wonder what your doing.   The lines have been crossed and I'm afraid it's over.  I remember, everything.  Sometimes that's not enough.  All the flowers. All the meals I made for you with my last dollar because nothing is worst then not having a nice meal while living in NYC.   You taught me how to paint.  You always gave me the most special of gifts, the harmonica necklace will always stand out.  I loved how you always held my bag of groceries.  Anything that was too heavy.

I'm afraid though that we have gone too far.  Boundaries I fear, although never clearly defined have been lost.   I rely on you the most and this game we play is confusing and no one wins.  I did come here for a reason because if not for me then for my brothers children.  To believe in something, so that it wasn't defined for me.  Nothing is more tragic.  I hold it so close to my heart you would think it was an extension of my arm.

You grew all art for me, bigger and more grand then I could have seen.  You took my best photo.  Filmed me at my best, taught me about photography.   I believe in you as much as you believed in me, in this world it only takes one person but means everything.  It's a lonely journey out there.

I saved all your letters.  I have your rose all around my apparent, they are dry now.  I never sleep on the left side of the bed anymore.  I know how to make tacos so much better now.  I also sometimes miss that you don't come into the bathroom anymore while I take a bath.  I can still hold my breath for a minute thirty.

I also never opened fully to you.  Maybe it's my scares.  A prior relationship wound that has clipped the wings of a once soaring bird.  It was something that changed me.  Sometimes you don't see that.   I'm so grateful for it.  It's what made me start living.  sometimes you come to close to being him and I run.  I didn't come here, go through this to be contained.  I'm the most loyal.  I am the most kind.  I will never disappear but I'm losing faith in us.  When you told me you were the oak tree you said this wouldn't happen. Now it is.

Shined.

The light always
Shined
In her.
Now I see it dime.
She may never take a beautiful picture
Ever again
It was the kind of thing
You felt
Before you saw.
A glow you wanted
Somebody always gets greedy
And took perhaps enough.
She knew though.
So she hide it
In everything that mattered
so she
Never forgot how to light the world.
And than
The light always
Shined.

Montauk.

Its a sleepy town.  Almost vacant the streets at night, almost no one walks.  All you hear is the raging ocean. Its always close.  A quietness that stills the most restless of souls. Its were every thought seems to rest on each wave.  Every once shattered hope is revived.  Moment to moment happens here, with not much else to do.   Its a close place from a city that never sleeps. How can something exist so close to its opposite? Every visit feels different, a new part of the island to explore.  It reminds me of home. There no existential crisis here, except for what to eat and when to sleep.

With just a crack in the door, the most peaceful of sounds comes in. I could sleep here forever.  The rain came through this morning and every drop that fell on the rooftop was heard.  A beautiful dance that followed a deep sleep.  If you haven't slept in years, you finally woke as if you did. With the ocean and rain taking you by the hand and leading you into a peaceful journey.

This ocean is more energetic, makes you think about life.  Life in its magical way, nothing heavy.  A deep respect for what is unknown and a nonresistance to something bigger then oneself.  I can only be grateful.  It reminds me of how small I am, how much I still need to learn. Where I have come, where I still need to go.

By the ocean my thoughts are set free into a world I may not know but trust. I hear it calling me closer to it to be embraced by the smell of salt and the gentle wind thats marked by the sting of a cold January. Although I live in concrete it will never give me the solitude nature always does. It will never guild me the way nature always does.  It will never make sense the way nature always has.