To Marry An Irish Man Moment

So my roommate is from Ireland, it doesn't get more Irish then her.  Which is to say we are very much kindred spirits and when it comes to her overall disposition about life she couldn't get more realistically honest.  She understands where I am in life, even though in cumulative age she's wiser.  She was once me trying to create something here in Manhattan she was 28 and I am 26, but still understands my frustration on some days but she also gets that I have the same thing in me that was once in her, still is in her.   She's wildly creative, honestly passionate and by default trusting and honest to the ends of the earth.  Irish people are this way, they very much are whom they say they are although reserved once cracked they would do anything for you.   

I just love Irish people, when saying that it is so important that you are whom you say you are the Irish just know how to do it.  Now I know I'm generalizing here but this weekend I sat with 6 Irish men, all from different parts of Ireland.  Yeah the odds were in my favor.  Instantly you can feel the warmth of these people, you can see it in their eyes and too often with American boys I feel like I have something to prove.  With them I sensed their family as being the center, which says a lot about who you are.  There is nothing more important to them and that grounds and centers them in my eyes.  Doesn't that just make sense?   When it comes to family nothing brings you back to yourself then them, they have known you the longest after all.  Not knowing someones family is like knowing a shell of a person you see the outside but will never really get to the inside. 

There is no more chivalrous man then an Irish man, ok so maybe not all but overall they take care of their woman and not in a materialistic kind of way but in a genuine protective means.  You feel that they wouldn't purposely try to go behind your back, cheat you or try to be a dick.  I sat with all of them and my roommate and I laughed, drank and realized then that I will marry an Irish Man.  Not any of the ones I met that night but in general the qualities shown to me were so refreshing and honest.  No bullshit, no lies, no distrust, NO EGO, just honest, real and solid.  A rock of a man, I miss this quality and have been fooled by men thinking they have this quality.  I don't want scared, shell of a person kind of guy living in a delusional world.  I want someone with the family structure I come from (which is rare) the Irish get this.  

So perhaps the moral of this story is that in the end I will end up with an Irish man.  For his genuine qualities, qualities that you can not fake.  Qualities that at first impression you just sense.  After being lied to, cheated on and with someone whom was a good actor..it was refreshing to be around 6 Irish men, the real deal if you ask me.  

Music Clips Continued

One take, all truth..

http://soundcloud.com/daniellemueller, track 13.

-Dani-

If Something Seems Too Good To Be True, It Probably Is..

The biggest lesson I have learned is that when something seems to good to be true, it probably is.  This is not to say that one should live or love with caution but to be aware.  When things move faster then they should, its probably for a hidden agenda.  This is ok, this is part of the learning process. So often as humans we roll through life on auto-pilot, continuing on with the motions never really giving any time to process.   Someone once told me, if you are living for your perceived future and dwelling in the past, when are you actually here?  Its a very interesting time, the time in which you live in the moment, a moment you will never have again.

Timing also has something to do with it.  Timing works with you, goes against you but the best part about it is that you can always change it.  Take it on, try harder and be better.  Life throws you curve balls, to remind you of your pulse to show you that your blood is still alive, still moving.  There is no reason to rush it, to live in pretend, life doesn't care about what you perceive as your own lies or rather your own truth.  It resurfaces you always trying to bring you back to the true reality.  It makes you smarter and more aware, take this on as a time for your personal journey.  Live in slight caution but always take risks, understand the risks and change and adapt to them.

I don't care about the crazy of others, eventually you learn to close the door behind you and continue on.  Always keep your head up and realise whom you want in your life verse those that are too unaware and hurtful.  It has nothing to do with you, its part of your beautiful journey.  Another quote I always hear is that everything happens for a reason.  Its so simple and true and that's a small part of the meaning of life.

So jump, be slightly careless and always give gratitude to all the bad that happens because there is beauty in being resilient and learning from mistakes whether or not they are yours or from someone else.  This is also a part of true happiness, something only you can find for yourself.    

The Creative Process Is Like a Plant..

My interviewing process consists of sitting across from someone that I admire musically.  Most people in this world are connectors for me and also for you.  Not that it is wise to use people but to use them as connectors is the fundamental idea of networking.  You get within an industry that exists, that you want to break into.  You can't be shy, you have to be trusting to this process unfortunately people are only as good as their face value.  Most people think their face value is actually better then it will turn out to be.   Everyone'sidea of themselves is bias because of course we don't say the bad and the ugly we say the hopeful and polished truth.  A truth that one can only communicate not that they can show me a record of all the times that they helped an old lady cross the street or held the door open for a woman.  They can't show me the common decency that I can only hope we all have.  No, this is unrealistic and part of the frustration.

You must always give credit to the ones that paved the way, any way for the next.  When you have a vision and hold it with promise and faith that to you its real, this is all that's needed.  Then the people almost get attracted to you because now you are aware enough to look for it, seek it out.  You get signs all around you, signs you may have never noticed before.  Its a beautiful process, not always easy but part of the journey.  You take it in stride, turn to the ones that love and support you and continue on.  I love the interviews because they open another realm of this process that I may not have understood/noticed before.  Its one giant brainstorm, this is essential to the creative process .  The creativeness is like a plant, you water it and thrives you neglect it and it dies.  You nurture it and give it what it needs, take the needs a way and you have no plant.  It dies, you replant it.  It grows vines and you find a wall for the leaves to cling to.  Any good idea needs people, every great idea needs nurturing.  Its within this process that most give up, doubt sets in.  Fear, anxiety, lack of confidence and a shyness to your surroundings happens here.  Its those that prevail that make it to the next step.  This is where one becomes stubborn, solid within the doubt only creating more strength.  Watch anyone with an idea fail here, when little did they know that this was just the beginning.  A test, a test to see if they really do want it.  Prevail and see what happens.  In everything you do realise that the bad comes with good, the indecent comes with the decent and that beauty comes with the ugly..otherwise how would we know the difference.  We have to understand both side of the coin, the contrast.  This is life.  Then you decide what to do with it.  Grow it or kill it, become it or run from it..breath life into it or watch it die in front of you.

When I get to sit with very talented musicians, I come with open admiring eyes.  In the moment I am not less to them, in that moment they haven't created more then I.  When you come with a pure good intent to learn, who would not want to teach?  NYC may be competitive but not when you have created something organically your own then its on a creative level.  This should be shared.  So I can't assume that everyone is whom they say they are but I am believer that I will know the difference.

The 42 Clinton Street Moment

I stood outside in the cold by myself.  The 42 was still painted on a piece of cardboard, the entrance was still missing a door.  I stood there, and couldn't really move.  I saw the window, I saw myself on the fire-escape.  I was there, at one time I was there and I wasn't alone.  My hands touched the marble entrance and all I did was stand there.  I remember everything within that tiny place and I don't know why I didn't really feel anything.  It kind of felt like a dream, something that was so real but at the same time wasn't.  I looked up at it, walked passed it then came back and a part of me actually wanted to ring the buzzer.  I wanted to put my keys in the door, turn the key and see him there.  I wanted to check the mail and walkup to the rooftop where I used to write music.  I wanted to come in and see the garbage waiting by the door, the high ceilings, the gray couch, the oversized bed just so I could say that it was one big fucking nightmare.  But all I did was just stand there, unmoved.  I didn't really feel alone or mad.  I was sad, really sad not sad enough to cry but still just sad. 

I was at the old apartment.  The scene of the crime, the calm before our storm.  It's not to say I would change anything but its weird what you can and can't face.  This was a tough one to look at, I guess thats part of the recovery.  I guess thats something I took with me without even knowing it.  Its weird what memories one decides to store I wish more of them were worst, but what I took as memories weren't all that bad.  Within those tiny walls, it wasn't a train-wreck sure things weren't always ideal but within that space they were okay.  This was the last time we were okay and then all the sudden we weren't.  

I often walk past it and every time stop out front, does a part of me still think I live there?  Maybe theres a part of me still there.  A part of me that never wanted to leave, a part of a girl that just believed in something that wasn't there.  Its weird, I have no answer for it I guess its just part of things.  I still walk past it and stop even though it never was my place and isn't my place now.  So a part of me still wonders, why stop?  

The Finding Of Another Womans Shirt Moment

So I often get asked where the vision for this project came from.  It didn't just come out of the blue for me, it was the recovery process from being with someone entirely crazy and egotistical.  Lets just say I didn't know him very well, we moved very fast and now I can see why.

Lets backtrack shall we.  We met in Minnesota and within 5 months found out that his job was transferring him to NYC, we said yes.  Then 2 months into NYC, he gets an offer in London and we move within 5 months of hardly being in NYC.  He moves out May.15 and I move back to Minnesota for the next month awaiting my departure.  On June.25th I fly to London and he is a completely different person.  2 days into London I find a woman's shirt, white, size medium in a European brand ummm and one minor detail its NOT MINE. He denies it.  Couple days later I go through his phone (which I would never do but had probable cause) find naked pictures of a woman oh one major problem they WEREN'T OF ME.  And text messages saying that he's met another girl (also not me).  He again denies it. On July.5th and within 4 hours of finding out everything I'm on a flight back to Minnesota (first class baby) within a week I find out that he's joined a dating service in London while trying to work things out with me.  We shared a bank account, that's how I found out.  I tell him to not speak to me for 6 months, he begs me to give him a month and I stupidly give in.  A MONTH into not talking I find out that he already has a girlfriend in London via newspaper articles that he sent me due to the London riots.  Talk about an ouch moment, that was so much fun for me.  This is when I began to understand who he really was for the very first time.

True colors will always be shown, luckily I only wasted a year. And now its the other woman's problem, if only I could sit down and have a conversation with her, I would save her a lot of confusion regardless of how "honest" their relationship seems.  This wasn't normal on any level, till this day it's wildly upsetting to those around me and some days I can't even think about it or it will make me sick.  He wasn't right, still isn't right and his history with woman is something no one would desire, although he will always claim to be the victim.  He was a great actor though, the best I will give him that but you can't hide your inner struggle forever.  If anyone says they love you after 2 months, take it from me its a red flag.

So when I talk about this project and moving home and all the recovery perhaps sometimes my stories could seem a little broken at times.  You didn't get all of the details because at first I was protective with it but now I say fu&* it.  Its fueled such a beautiful creative process for me.  Its not to get sympathy and its not to say that I want to be singer just because.  The music is fueled by such an intense experience some of which we all share in.  It was crazy and it was someone world that shit on me and that's ok.  Through this process I found what truly matters to me.  All the lies and bullshit were only meant to bring to me to this place.  I don't just sing songs to sing them, I sing them because they are real for me.  Its from a deep place that I never got to express.  That expression has lead to me writing profound words and even captured the vision I protect today.  I did nothing wrong and although I am still civil I still found a woman's shirt that wasn't mine.  And that's where Dani & The Mad Men™ comes from, not a shallow place but a place that it real and realness in this world is hard to find.

Hustle to Save Your A$$

Um let me tell you a little something something.  New York ain't easy, you gotta hustle your a$$ off if you even think about staying here.  You follow leads which are usually dead, you follow opportunity that's always there but sometimes I walk back into the neighborhood that made me fall in love with NYC to begin with and feel like I got my ass handed to me.  There's a lot of running around, navigating that happens.  The energy is completely intoxicating, it makes you run.  The hustle is pretty epic to watch, the hustle is in every fast paced person.  You got to stop within the madness and hold yourself for a minute.  It could take you, dispose of you make you feel a tad lost.  I'm aware of the beauty within it but also understand the nature of the beast.  I watch people run, briskly walk and I wonder where there going and what they are chasing.  We are all chasing after something here, that's what I like to watch but now being one of "them" I wonder when and if it will ever run dry.  What does dry mean anyways?  To slow down, stop finally be content with what you've found.  Yikes!  Well I'm far from that being in the thick of it all.

Patience.  I think patience is a good word for the beginning paragraph.  Lets sit with that for a moment.  Why hustle so hard when you know you have gold in your pocket.  I know it's there so whats the point of feeling like it will run out.  I was told from someone VERY wise "your musical journey is a process, it doesn't happen overnight, do everything you can in one day not a weeks worth in one day."  Patience.  Lets have it if even for a moment.  Have it for the slow ass paying for their gas at Holiday in pennies.  Have it for the old lady bagging her own groceries.  Have it for the children running in the streets blocking your way.  Have it for whatever process you are trying to create.

New york has a funny way of making me run but why?  I got everything I need, New York you can start coming to me.  I'm in high heels mind you and a lady never runs in tricky heels because there is no shortage here.  The process is underway so screw that I'm going to hustle each day and no more then that.  So New York I love you but back-off and let me do my thing.


Love-

A girl wearing a vintage dress and high heels.