Black Lives Matter

Everyone wants love,
A Care,
family.
It starts young.
You need to see it from someone.
If you don't, the skies will never be that shade of blue.
It will only be blue, for you.
Then people start looking different,
if your time is worth taking...
You don't give a damn.
The victor takes the losers,
For the win.
Cast aside what you know or knew.
Take this win now.
Its a war fought before you,
and wont be the last.
Happy a day when growing was easy.
In the innocent light of never knowing,
that it wasn't free for everyone.
On who's backs?
Listen carefully,
Could be the last..
But it surely wont be.
Let it ring,
loud.
Or take more souls.

Everyone Could.

The tide rages,
Turning and twisting.
Beautiful pitter patter.
Tears seem to come from the sky.
Cutting into humid temperatures.
When drops come,
but not just from your brow.
It seems everything is crying.
Deep within the soul.
The only courage is to be nature.
So pure and wise.
Wipe those crying eyes.
It lights a fire deep like thunder,
when every inch of your skin crawls.
Such revolt this world is feeling.
When there is too much fight,
not enough healing.
May the greats & unruly,
Sleep with no rest,
Until our hearts can be relaxed.
Like a baby in the deepest slumber,
When you sip on the finest wine,
Eat a memorable meal,
Had the best cheese,
Found a great love,
Took in a deep kiss,
Had a door open for you,
Heard the rain,
Felt the river move,
Been alone,
Went barefoot in the woods.
Theres something that knew you couldn't enjoy it,
Unless everyone could.
Otherwise where's the love in it?

No-one Told Me So.

Oh the directions life takes you in. The turns, the changes. I can see why some never change, while they almost remain the same. Once you go in to it its hard coming back or ever being the same. Friends you knew, you don't anymore. No-one ever tells you what growing up is actually like. I wish someone told me to keep certain traits that possibly dissolve with age. That in to your 30's, you start to change. You see the world differently. The child you once spoke to isn't listening anymore. As you sooner approach death theres a shedding happening inside. No-one tells you that. Its the point in which most try to find some value in their job or get married because they feel like thats something. I don't think thats enough. At the end of it all we all are trying to find some kind of meaning. Its a limited time here, I just hope Im not giving up on that and settling for something so predictable.

I wish someone had told me.

Wild Horses.

I think many things,
It's complicated.
Too many things.
But when I watch green turn to orange,
I know nothing about life.
Your like a great song.
You just get better,
The more times your played.
Like the comfy socks.
How I put another quilt on the bed.
Wild horses,
Galp on deserted land.
When no one was looking,
You took this hand.
I've never been the same.
But than again,
I think many things.

Time

Incredible how time can change almost everything. How deeply important following your heart is. When something just isn't right, when you feel it in your bones and make a choice.  A choice that changes everything. To leave, to stay. Life is so rooted in directions and crossroads. Decisions. With the last 5 years ever changing and growing. It hasn't been boring to say the least. My life of twists and turns.

I pulled the plug on LA and landed back in a town I thought I was done with. Perhaps it wasn't done with me, yet. I hated it at first and then it grew me and recovered me. Like chasing clouds my happiness felt at times but even the low was better than other things. Focused and put my head down. Chose my heart above all else. Became quiet. Things just weren't working and that's ok. Another downtime, I have done this before.  I didn't give up on my happiness and what love should be for me. What love wasn't and no one was to blame. It was a perfect mess, really. But when the plug was pulled it was a relief honestly. It also opened me up for the love of my life. Again, how time changes everything.

After New York and LA, I am home and running a jazz club in St.Paul. A true dream job. I paused my life that felt wrong and chose a simpler way of doing things. It was a direction truly fit for me which required strength to demand a different way. Courage to also be alone.  A way out became a way back into my life. Even if it meant leaving a life behind that was never mine and creating something for me.

I am happy and it took time. It took months honestly but I look at my life and am glad I pulled the plug when I did and found a deep love that I first made for myself in order to give to someone else. In the end it always works out.

Take time.

Cost of Admition.

It's when you can't return,
That guidance is governed.
That sweet spot.
Within the spirit,
Never held down.
Rises into unknown,
Terrifies the restless.
Wondering souls deep entrenched.
Some would ask the cost?
Most pay.
Cheap.
And easy.
Isn't that what they want?
We got honey bees.
We got stormy nights.
Bright sunshine.
What's keeping you on your way?
Must be this tall to enter.

The Downtime.

There will always be a downtime. You can't have a high without a low, it acts as a reminder to balance. The downtime as I call it happens to everyone, creative or not.  It's a sort of sit back, throw your hands up in the air moment.  Could last a month, could last a year. Each time you deal with it differently, either way it happens.

I went into hibernation after my first album in order to create a second album (which is done). It was my longest down time to date. It's like you have waves of inspiration and then none at all, it can be maddening. Learning to ride the wave of inconsistent creative madness until beauty appears once again. I think the older you get the more space appears between creative bursts. You do get better at the downtime but you still feel it linger on. Sometimes you unplug and find inspiration in other mediums or for some this is when they give up.  I understand why now.  There is no map on this lonely road and the support as most move on and get married and have babies starts to consume most people's worlds.  I promise though if you hold on long enough, something will give way.

As a slow processor of downtime I have found the months that pass and suddenly turn into a year  (for me) was in some way supposed to happen.  Other mediums started to grow and develop and my friendship with time doesn't match those around me.  This human developed concept of time and getting older seems pressurizing especially in a smaller town.  Time slows down then I look at it and it almost feels sped up, this downtime thing blurs reality. I won't lie, it does suck most times.  I promise it gets better though.

To be creative is to fight against most common peoples reality. Making a path all your own and walking it not just talking about it.  If I have learned on thing it's that most artistic mediums aren't lite up at the same time. My downtime with music was my time for growth in poetry.  You see they all do a beautiful dance with one another, just perhaps not at the same time.  The biggest difference is to stay inspired and marvel when beauty finds you during what feels like a drought. Realize most people  are too busy to stop and see the beautiful things, be grateful if you seek it or if it finds you. I promise it always will.

Keep on.